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Mary!

June 27, 2015

  Time for another update on Mary. She is more or less the same as two weeks ago. Here are a couple of stories worth telling.

Mary needs someone at her side almost constantly. She uses her cane. She has a walker but doesn’t like to use it. So we need to walk by her side so that she doesn’t fall. A fall in this point in her life would be deadly. So this week she decided that she would like to attend the monthly luncheon meeting of her Republican Women’s club at the Ports’o’Call restaurant in San Pedro.

So this caused us to have some logistical issues. First, neither Paula nor I are members. I fail to meet two of the requirements, that of being a woman and being a republican, Paula passes the first requirement (of being a woman) but not the second. What to do? One time early in our stay here in LA, Paula did go with her but swore to me and to herself, NEVER AGAIN!

So that means making alternate arrangements. We call Mary’s friend Beth to see if she can give her a ride home. Paula would take her and leaver her. Beth would make the lunch reservation and bring her home. So far so good. Then on Thursday morning Beth calls me to tell me that she has had to cancel. That means we need to make alternate arrangements. I relayed the information to Paula while she was with Mary getting her hair done at Rose’s Beauty Salon.

Paula would go and pick her up at 2:00 PM. We tried to get someone to stay with Mary until Paula picked her up so that she didn’t go wandering off. Paula picked her up on time. Mary had won a door prize which was a bottle of Kahlua with rum. Not sure what we’re going to do it. Mary doesn’t do rum or coffee brandy. Perhaps we’ll donate it to the lodge for pub night.

One time a year or so ago, one of her friends asked Mary why Paula didn’t come. So Mary, told the friend that Paula’s husband (that being me) wouldn’t let her. Well Paula just about blew a gasket when the story made its way back to her. She had a word with Mary about making up stories. To which we add, “God Bless President Obama”.

Now for the second story. Paula and I try to keep up with what Mary likes to eat and drink. Sometimes the best of plans go awry. First example: Mary has been eating Cheerios with blueberries for a long time. Suddenly she decided that she would like to try something different. We offer her instant oatmeal, nope that’s not it.

We tried frozen waffles. She tried them once but doesn’t seem to care for them long term. Once she suggested that we make waffles from scratch. Paula and I said that’s not going to happen,

I usually have some Raisin Bran Crunch. She decides that she’ll try that with blueberries. Well she loves the stuff. Lucky for us Raisin Bran Crunch is on sale at Haggen’s.

Next example: For a while now, she has been drinking either cranberry juice or apple juice. She was also drinking Dr Pepper. But we have weaned her off of the sodas. We thought that the caffeine and the sugar couldn’t be doing her any good. Now all of a sudden she wants hot chocolate. (Nestle’s Quik mixed with 2% milk and put in the microwave for 45 seconds. Now we have a couple of gallons of juice that is not getting consumed. She will have to have the juice tonight because we are out of milk and quik. We will push the juice before we restock the Nestle’s Quik.

Occasionally people give us suggestions on places to take her. One suggestion was some fashion show in the South Bay. We gently tell people that Mary isn’t the same person that she was five years ago. Going to some of these events takes planning. How accessible is it. Are there enough HP parking spaces? Crazy as it might seem, the store that seems to have the most HP spots is Home Depot. And award for the least number of HP spots go to the grocery stores. We have an HP placard, but a lot of times the HP spaces fill up fast. Evening events are trouble. She gets tired easy and walking in the dark is a big problem. And then after all is said and done, two days later she doesn’t even remember going.

We prefer going to known venues that we are comfortable for Mary and us. Church and Lodge fit the bill nicely. There are either ramp and/or elevator. The church has about four HP slots plus a number of spaces for the “elderly”. So we’ll have a quiet night at home and go to church with her tomorrow.

I will add a new picture next time I write about Mary.

Categories: Aging, Family, Mary
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Mary

May 29, 2015

Today is Friday and that generally means an appointment for Mary at Rose’s Hair Salon in San Pedro. So I helped Mary walk down to the elevator and then into the Prius. She seems to always need someone holding her arm when she walks. The dizziness is not getting any better.

I took her to the YMCA on Tuesday. She did her time on the tread mill and exercise bike.

  
We will probably be going to Mariner’s night at LA Harbor Lodge tonight. That means that we don’t have to cook tonight.

Memory is gone. She still remembers our names, but she couldn’t remember our grandson Jonathan’s name or how old he is.

We keep on keeping on.

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Mary

April 17, 2015

Time for an update on Mary. Overall, she is doing pretty good for a 91 year old. Her mind is failing faster than her body.

A couple of days ago, one of our friends who attends our senior Bible Study at Ocean View asked us how she was doing. Mary didn’t attend that particular Wednesday. So he asked Paula, “She must be getting excited that she will be getting to meet Jesus in heaven?”.

To which we answered, actually no she hasn’t talked about heaven, the after-life or Jesus lately. She doesn’t really talk at all about death. I think that she figures that she is going to live forever.

A couple of years ago she was full of questions about what God wanted her to do with the rest of her life. But lately, there is none of that. Just what am I doing today.

She seems to be pretty much stuck in the moment. She doesn’t talk about the past and/or the future. For the most part, she gets up in the morning, eats breakfast and goes back to bed. Sometimes we get her to go out for activities like Bible study, church, getting her hair done, etc.

Yesterday, she received her high school reunion announcement in the mail. This is an event that happens every Memorial Day in Piedmont, KS. The problem we have with going, is that it takes a lot of effort to get her there. She can’t fly there by herself and deal with airlines, rental cars and hotels. Paula took her there last year. Once she goes and returns, she doesn’t remember that the trip happened. And to add to that, last year her sister Bobbie and brother Jack, didn’t make the trip. Even if they had, she probably wouldn’t have remembered it. Our biggest fear is having an accident happen far away from home.

I read an essay by a gerontologist recently about how old people develop “unmet needs”. This is the ability for a person to deal with the tasks of everyday life. (eg. grocery shopping, banking, paying bills, mail, medical, personal hygiene, etc.) As a person ages into senility and dementia they are unable to do deal with these sorts of things. Over the past 2.5 years, Paula and I have slowly taken on all of those daily tasks.

So this morning, she was scheduled to get her done at 09:30 followed by attending a funeral for a family friend. At 08:30 she tells us that she doesn’t feel well and wouldn’t be attending. She will probably feel better later in the day. So we call Rose and reschedule. Rose is very understanding of our need to be flexible.

In other news, I was walking Mary down to the garage. She stumbled for no apparent reason, (ie. no water, no trip hazards, no cracks in the pavement, etc). Just clean dry even pavement. She caught herself with her cane. I told her that if she didn’t have her cane she surely would have fallen, followed by a trip in an ambulance to local ER. But she doesn’t remember that. She just has the crazy idea that someday she will be better and able to ditch the cane.

Unfortunately, I don’t have any recent pictures to post. I will try to do better next time.

TTFN,

Joe

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Update on Mary

March 12, 2015

2015-01-27 10.53.58 HDRIt is time to write and update on Mary. She has been doing pretty well lately, She goes to the YMCA in San Pedro twice a week to exercise. The YMCA has a program that they call “Beyond Rehab” that runs twice a week.

The room has the usual exercise equipment like treadmills and recumbent bicycles. The room is staffed with a nurse and a respiratory therapist (and some times student nurses).

The program is designed to help folks who are recovering from falls, strokes and other misfortunes of growing old.

Mary always likes to stop and watch the little children in the YMCA pre-school program.

So yesterday, Mary had a follow-up appointment with her neurologist. Paula usually takes her to most medical appointments. She is doing remarkably well for someone her age. They had her do some sort of cognitive function test to judge how well she is doing. They asked questions like “What day is it?” or “What city do you live in?” etc. She did pretty good in that she got 23 out of 30 questions right.

The major issue the neurologist is monitoring is “hydrocephalus” or water on the brain. Here is an interesting article about the condition. In Mary’s case it primarily affects her walking abilities. There is nothing much that can be done. A surgeon could install a shunt to reduce the pressure of the spinal fluid, but that would be extremely risky for someone of Mary’s age. So we just monitor and visit the neurologist every six months or so.

So we are going on nine months without any serious falls. We try to make sure that she ALWAYS has her cane. And we certainly don’t let her drive. (Luckily she hasn’t asked.) We haven’t ventured far from home since our trip to Visalia in October. Our concern is that accidents that happen far from home are much more difficult to handle logistically. We are still trying to figure out how to manage Paula’s and my trip to Boston in May. We can leave her for a couple of hours to go to a movie but leaving for five days is a whole other ballgame.

So that’s it for now in San Pedro.

TTFN

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Mary update

January 26, 2015

Today is Monday. On Monday we try to go over calendars. So we are sitting at the kitchen table. Mary and Paula have their hard copy calendars and I have the calendar on my iPad. We try to do this every week in order to keep Mary tuned into the world around her. We try to only do one week at a time. It is useless to talk about something that is scheduled a month from now. Mary dutifully writes down the events that we tell her. Of course, by tomorrow, she will remember little of the details.

Sometimes Mary has trouble figuring out what day it is. We have all the hints available, the newspaper, the calendar, etc,

So it starts out like this. Monday, Alicia (our cleaning lady) comes to clean. Tuesday and Thursday, we take her to the Y for exercise. Wednesday, we have Bible study. Occasionally, we have doctor’s appointments, but not this week.

Also, most Tuesdays, Mike, Theresa and family come over for dinner. Theresa will be coming this week, but not Mike. Mike is in Colorado Springs doing an USAF course.

Sometimes, Mary looks so confused. Kind of at sea. We try ever so much not to be angry at her. Mary asks us to talk about the first week in February. Paula gives her the info knowing that we will need to repeat it next week.

So it now has been eight months since her accident up in Utah. She has recovered pretty well considering. We haven’t had any new falls to deal with. The trips to the Y seem to be helpful. On the way to the exercise room we pass the child care room. Mary ALWAYS wants to stop for a minute or two to watch the children playing.

And finally, to our friends back east, stay safe and warm.

TTFN,

Joe

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Something about Mary

January 16, 2015

This is one of those weeks where I wish I was back working so that I could relax.

It has been a very busy week in Chez Stanley. Mary is now doing twice weekly visits to the YMCA. The Y has a program called “Beyond Rehab”. They have a room for folks recovering from injury to exercise with supervision by a nurse. The nurse makes sure that everyone is safe. NO MORE FALLS.


They have a treadmill that goes very slow, a recumbent stair stepper, recumbent bike, a weight thingy for doing pull-downs and an arm pedaler. When Mary arrives, the nurse takes her BP, pulse, sometimes O2 sat. There is an O2 machine for those who need it. Overall, it’s good for Mary, but it wears us out taking her here, there and everywhere.

They sometimes have a couple of cute, young student nurses. (Important for us old geezers to get some TLC.) Easy on the eyes, Harold would say.

So on Wednesday, we did normal Bible study, then to memorial service for George C’s mother who passed away last week. Service was over at Crystal Cathedral Memorial Garden. Actually, it’s now called “Christ Cathedral”. Bought by the OC Catholic Church.


On the left side of the above picture is the “Memorial Garden” which is a small cemetery, that will remain even after the sale of the cathedral to the RC of Orange County.

So the engineer in me is thinking, they sure did a good job of hiding the cell phone antennae. There probably aren’t any cell phone antennae, but what a place to put one.

Thursday, I did the run to the Y while Paula worked at Asst League Gift Shop. Then I pick up carpet cleaner. Do grocery shopping, then take Mary to OVBC (Ocean View Baptist Church) for knitting ministry. Mary wants to learn to knit. So I take her along with my iPad. OVBC has excellent WiFi, by the way. We’ll do it as long as we have someone with patience to teach her. Her friend Beth has stepped up to coach her. Thanks, Beth. Knitting is not in my (or Paula’s) skill set. They have a coffee pot going at OVBC and WiFi, so I’m all set.

Finally today, Paula takes Mary to Rose’s Salon to get her hair done and then off to Dr T’s for routine checkup. I take the carpet cleaner back, then get haircut, large iced coffee at Starbuck’s, and a few more things at Albertson’s. Today the coffee at Starbuck’s was free because of award on the Starbuck’s App. Friday visit with Rose is a recurring event. If it were me, I would shave it all off. PITA.

Dinner tonight for Roberta, then dinner tomorrow for Mike, Theresa and Theresa’s mother and sister who are in town visiting from Taiwan.

Mary’s short term memory is slowly getting worse. Try as we do to keep her aware of what’s happening next. She will forget within an hour or two. It’s hard to not get frustrated.

Man I’m whipped.

TTFN

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Update on Mary

January 9, 2015

It’s a pleasant day here in sunny, warm Southern California. I am enjoying some quiet time to myself while Paula is off taking Mary to get bloods drawn. This is in preparation for her appointment with her primary care doc next week. It has been a challenge to get her to primary care doc for routine physical. So Paula just made the appointment and told her we’re going. After she gets the blood drawn, Paula will take Mary to get her hair done at Rosemarie’s in San Pedro. Rose has a thriving business taking car of the old ladies. Mostly wash and set. Then lunch at El Pollo Loco. (One of Mary’s favorite lunch spots.)
 
 So yesterday Mary received a letter from her brother Jack in Houma, LA. Mary was thrilled to receive the letter. Now if we can just get Mary to reciprocate. That will be a challenge. I learned in the letter that Jack reads this blog, which is a good thing. I expect that either Jan or Julie are printing each post and giving it to Jack to read.
 
 Mary has told us that she would like to get back to Houma to visit with Jack. She was unable to travel for Jack’s wife Donna’s funeral this past June. So Paula and I have been talking about how to make it happen. Mary certainly can’t do it alone. So Paula will probably be going with her. We will probably do the trip some time in the Spring when the weather is a bit warmer in Houma. I’m thinking April-ish. Maybe we can get Jack and Mary actually to talk on the phone.
 
 Mary has started going back to the YMCA in San Pedro. They have a program called Beyond-Rehab. It aims at people looking for trying to get back into an exercise program after serious injury. They have a nurse and therapist available twice a week. The staff keeps watch over the users to make sure that they don’t get re-injured. This was one of our big concerns. So Mary is going twice a week. Sometimes she overdoes things and sleeps/rests the rest of the day.
 
 So January 24 is her 91st birthday. We haven’t figured out how to celebrate. Perhaps a cake at Wednesday Bible study. We’ll drop a dime on Pastor Jacques to make sure that he knows. We’ll do a verse of “Happy Birthday” on the piano.
 
 So thats about it from here. I was told by Paula to put away the Christmas tree. Better get on it.
 
 TTFN
 
 
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Flip Flopping Along

December 22, 2014

Well, here we are the day before the day before Christmas trying to finish up shopping and wrapping presents.
 
 So a couple of days ago, Mary told us that she was feeling down about Christmas. So what was the problem, we asked. This is what she told us. In years past Harold and Mary would travel out toward Palm Springs. They would stop at the Hadley Orchards Outlet and order gift baskets to be shipped to relatives and friends.


We would often receive a two pound box of dates. It didn’t matter that I didn’t particularly care for dates. So for the last few years after Harold died, she didn’t get to do this.
 
 So we suggested that we could order online from the Hadley web site. We told Mary that this would be an all day affair. It would take at least 2.5 to 3 hours each way. Mary doesn’t understand buying stuff on the internet.
 
 So on Monday, we were about to bite the bullet and take her out to Hadley and get it done. Can you tell me who you want to send packages to? I ask. She says she will have to look at her address book to make a list. So she can’t remember the names. I sort of know who she is thinking about sending to. But I can’t quite get her to tell me. Just give me the names, I say. I can get the addresses.
 
 So when we were eating dinner on Monday, she says that she doesn’t really want to go. Okay, we say. Done. But no, Tuesday morning at 10 AM she gets up and says she wants to go. But you told us last night that you decided not to go. I didn’t say that she says. Yes you did, we say. If we thought you still wanted to go, we would have wakened you up a lot earlier
 
 So I am thinking that maybe, I need to keep a log book to document each decision and have her sign off on it. Nah, that won’t work.
 
 So my point is (I do have a point). How do I get her decisions documented so that when she changes her mind and deny that she ever said something.
 
 By the way, last night was “date night”. We went to see “Wild”. More in the next post.
 
 And tomorrow, we will be taking care of Jonathan. We’ll be making Christmas Cookies. Should be fun.
 
 TTFN
 
 Joe
 
 
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Travels with Mary

October 20, 2014

On Saturday Paula, Mary and I drove up to Visalia to attend the OES Grand Chapter Installation of our good friend Roger Nieder as Worthy Grand Patron. Visalia is about 200 miles north of San Pedro in California’s central valley. We usually do a rest stop about half way. This time we stopped for lunch in Gorman which is just about at the north end of the Grapevine.
 
 Normally we would have gone for the entire grand chapter session but that would have been too much for Mary to do. (Us too.) We have to be constantly watching her to keep her from falling. She has graduated from the walker to using a cane.
 
 So she moves oh so slowly. We try to have someone on her arm with the cane on the other arm. All it would take would be one bump from someone to knock her over. She has this idea in her head that she eventually will be able to ditch the cane. We tell her your PT person told you that you will always need a cane. She of course doesn’t remember any of this. She also thinks that someday she will be driving again. I don’t think so, Tim. Our constant answer is “We’ll see about that.”
 
 So we were staying in one room at a Holiday Inn (more on the hotel later) in Visalia. We would have loved to have the privacy of one room for us and one room for Mary, but we learned the lesson back in June that she needs to be closely supervised.
 
 It has been incredibly stressful for Paula and I to be constantly on guard with her especially in an unfamiliar environment and in crowds. The risk of a fall is ever present.
 
 So the installation started at about 7:30 PM. We had plenty of time to rest up for the event.


(l-r) Mary, Shawn Donahue (Sr Grand Deacon), and Paula
 
 


Roger Nieder, Worthy Grand Patron
 
 So we had a great time with no visits to any ER’s along the way. We arrived home on Sunday at about 3:00 PM after about a four hour ride.
 
 Now about the hotel. We stayed at a Holiday Inn Express. Room was comfortable but there were so many little faults that made to stay less than acceptable.
 
 1. They tried to put us in a room that hadn’t been cleaned. That meant that Mary stayed with Paula while I went back to the front desk to get our room changed.
 
 2. Coffee maker didn’t work.
 
 3. WiFi credentials didn’t work. Not that it matters much. Usually my cell phone data is faster than hotel WiFi. Never seen hotel Wifi much faster than 1 Mbps.
 
 4. Desk chair was broken.
 
 On the plus side, they had a decent restaurant with a decent breakfast buffet. We ate there on Sunday morning before we left.
 
 The list goes on and on. I expect hotels (even budget hotels) to take care of the little things. There are plenty of other budget hotels to choose from that do take care of them. We won’t be staying there again.
 
 We are trying to get back to doing “Date Night” again. Next Thursday, we have tickets to see the play “The Trip to Bountiful” with Blair Underwood and Cicely Tyson up in Downtown LA. Just the two of us. Sometimes just going shopping together seems like a date together.
 
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News from out West

September 13, 2014

Time for an update. It has been 3.5 months since Mary’s accident up in Salt Lake City. She is doing amazingly well. She is doing physical therapy twice a week. The therapist has been working on balance issues. She has started transitioning from the walker to a cane (the kind with four prongs at the base for additional stability). She uses the cane only at home.
 
 So physically she is doing fine. Mental issues are a different story. Short term memory is a problem. She will ask me in the morning what day it is. I tell her today is Saturday. Oh she says. Are we going to PT today? No that was yesterday.
 
 We are working hard on getting her to eat a healthy diet. If we weren’t her that would certainly not be happening. Sometimes though it is a struggle to figure out what she likes and doesn’t like.
 
 So she went with us last night to Eastern Star meeting at Lomita. I was filling in playing the piano for the chapter. Everyone was happy to see her and she them. It is often a struggle to get her out, but it is worth it when we do. It’s the initial struggle to get her started that is the problem. Once we get her moving she is fine. Overall, she is doing pretty good for 90.
 
 I seem to be seeing pictures of our friends back east wearing coats and jackets. So I guess it’s starting to get cold. It’s been in the 80’s all last week here in San Pedro. It’s been up in 100’s out in the desert. I still have a coat in the closet. I don’t expect to use it this winter either. It’s been almost three years since the last time I put the Jeep in 4-wheel drive. I seem to remember seeing an ice scraper in the back of the Jeep. Haven’t used it either.
 
 We are planning on driving up to Visalia for our friend Roger’s installation as Worthy Grand Patron for the Grand Chapter of California on October 18th. We asked Mary if she would like to go. She said yes, so we will drive up on Saturday (in October) and return the following day. Installation is on a Saturday evening.
 
 Our daughter in law in do to give birth to our second grand-baby this week. The baby is expected to be a girl and her name will be Sarah. We are very excited. We love being grand-parents. I will be posting pictures as soon as they are available.
 
 Apple announced new iPhones and the Apple Watch on Sept 9th. I have pre-ordered an iPhone Six Plus with 128Gb. I ordered the first day orders were allowed. I wasn’t nearly fast enough. Expected delivery is not until November. Sigh. I heard that orders for initial delivery sold out in minutes. Luckily, I don’t have to pay for it until it ships. Paula gets the iPhone 5S and I’ll try and find a home for the iPhone 4S that she is using now. I will post pictures and a review once I get the new phone.
 
 So you are probably wondering, Joe what about the Apple Watch? I am not getting an Apple Watch. I haven’t worn a watch in years. With an iPhone in my pocket, why do I need an iWatch? I would be wearing a watch that screams out “STEAL ME!!!”. Not going to happen.
 
 Our son Neil will be coming down from SLC to visit for week later this month. We are looking forward to his visit.
 
 That’s all the news that I can think of from Pedro. Stay warm (or cool) as the case may be.
 
 TTFN
 
 Joe
 
 
 
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