Posted tagged ‘Mary’

Update on Mary

January 9, 2015

It’s a pleasant day here in sunny, warm Southern California. I am enjoying some quiet time to myself while Paula is off taking Mary to get bloods drawn. This is in preparation for her appointment with her primary care doc next week. It has been a challenge to get her to primary care doc for routine physical. So Paula just made the appointment and told her we’re going. After she gets the blood drawn, Paula will take Mary to get her hair done at Rosemarie’s in San Pedro. Rose has a thriving business taking car of the old ladies. Mostly wash and set. Then lunch at El Pollo Loco. (One of Mary’s favorite lunch spots.)
 
 So yesterday Mary received a letter from her brother Jack in Houma, LA. Mary was thrilled to receive the letter. Now if we can just get Mary to reciprocate. That will be a challenge. I learned in the letter that Jack reads this blog, which is a good thing. I expect that either Jan or Julie are printing each post and giving it to Jack to read.
 
 Mary has told us that she would like to get back to Houma to visit with Jack. She was unable to travel for Jack’s wife Donna’s funeral this past June. So Paula and I have been talking about how to make it happen. Mary certainly can’t do it alone. So Paula will probably be going with her. We will probably do the trip some time in the Spring when the weather is a bit warmer in Houma. I’m thinking April-ish. Maybe we can get Jack and Mary actually to talk on the phone.
 
 Mary has started going back to the YMCA in San Pedro. They have a program called Beyond-Rehab. It aims at people looking for trying to get back into an exercise program after serious injury. They have a nurse and therapist available twice a week. The staff keeps watch over the users to make sure that they don’t get re-injured. This was one of our big concerns. So Mary is going twice a week. Sometimes she overdoes things and sleeps/rests the rest of the day.
 
 So January 24 is her 91st birthday. We haven’t figured out how to celebrate. Perhaps a cake at Wednesday Bible study. We’ll drop a dime on Pastor Jacques to make sure that he knows. We’ll do a verse of “Happy Birthday” on the piano.
 
 So thats about it from here. I was told by Paula to put away the Christmas tree. Better get on it.
 
 TTFN
 
 
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Flip Flopping Along

December 22, 2014

Well, here we are the day before the day before Christmas trying to finish up shopping and wrapping presents.
 
 So a couple of days ago, Mary told us that she was feeling down about Christmas. So what was the problem, we asked. This is what she told us. In years past Harold and Mary would travel out toward Palm Springs. They would stop at the Hadley Orchards Outlet and order gift baskets to be shipped to relatives and friends.


We would often receive a two pound box of dates. It didn’t matter that I didn’t particularly care for dates. So for the last few years after Harold died, she didn’t get to do this.
 
 So we suggested that we could order online from the Hadley web site. We told Mary that this would be an all day affair. It would take at least 2.5 to 3 hours each way. Mary doesn’t understand buying stuff on the internet.
 
 So on Monday, we were about to bite the bullet and take her out to Hadley and get it done. Can you tell me who you want to send packages to? I ask. She says she will have to look at her address book to make a list. So she can’t remember the names. I sort of know who she is thinking about sending to. But I can’t quite get her to tell me. Just give me the names, I say. I can get the addresses.
 
 So when we were eating dinner on Monday, she says that she doesn’t really want to go. Okay, we say. Done. But no, Tuesday morning at 10 AM she gets up and says she wants to go. But you told us last night that you decided not to go. I didn’t say that she says. Yes you did, we say. If we thought you still wanted to go, we would have wakened you up a lot earlier
 
 So I am thinking that maybe, I need to keep a log book to document each decision and have her sign off on it. Nah, that won’t work.
 
 So my point is (I do have a point). How do I get her decisions documented so that when she changes her mind and deny that she ever said something.
 
 By the way, last night was “date night”. We went to see “Wild”. More in the next post.
 
 And tomorrow, we will be taking care of Jonathan. We’ll be making Christmas Cookies. Should be fun.
 
 TTFN
 
 Joe
 
 
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Mary and other news…

November 26, 2014

It’s time for an update on Mary. Paula and Mary are off to Rose’s Beauty Salon to get Mary’s hair done before Thanksgiving. So I have a couple of hours of blissful piece and quiet.

Here’s the protocol. I walk Mary down to the elevator and then down to the garage while Paula gets the car and picks her up. Get her into the front seat and buckle her up. Her walking is getting more troublesome. Paula and I call it the “old lady shuffle”. As much as she tries to keep up a normal gait, she tends to shuffle along with her cane. Her neurologist says it is likely due to her hydro-encephalitis (ie. water on her brain). He once told us that he could install a shunt to ease the build up of fluid, but surgery at her age is very risky. So she took a pass. He said that we should expect incontinence to happen. Looks like we will buying stock in Depends.

She has pretty much recovered from the hip surgery back in June. She went through a couple of months of PT. She had another fall in October. Luckily, no damage done. It’s hard to predict when it will happen. She didn’t trip over anything. She just got dizzy and down she went.

We haven’t been doing much travelling lately. We feel comfortable leaving her alone for a couple of hours, but not so much for several days. So that being the case, we didn’t go to any OES receptions this Summer. We did go to Visalia with Mary for the OES Grand Installation in October. Usually the trips are an occasion for Paula and I to relax, but when we bring Mary along we have to stay vigilant. Of course, that means there is more money left in the bank at the end of the month.

We are not quite sure how we will deal with travel next year. We really don’t want to miss MA OES Grand Chapter in May. After the holidays, we will look into respite care to get someone to stay with her while we are gone.

Back in January, we visited her primary bank office and got Mary to add us as signers on her checking and savings account. Since that time, I have been managing her finances, paying bills etc. We have also been visiting other banks to do the same. At some point we will need to revisit her will and make sure everything all of her final plans are in order. My goal is to avoid probate as much as possible.

Mary’s short term memory continues to deteriorate. She usually has to struggle to figure out what day it is. But she seems to remember that Tuesday is the day the Mike and his family come for dinner. She is always happy to Jonathan and Sarah.

The daily grind of doctor visits and PT sessions has eased somewhat. We generally offer to take her to OES meetings. Sometimes she comes, sometimes not. Game time decision. We don’t offer to take her on grocery shopping trips, too much walking for her. Besides, that is one of the times that Paula and I can get away. So much so that the grocery clerk notices when Paula isn’t with me. Of course, the grocery store has a Starbuck’s and they know what I usually order.

Well tomorrow is Thanksgiving. We are planning to have dinner with Theresa’s family in Rancho Palos Verdes. Eric has the largest house and is best able to handle a large crowd. I expect a crowd of 25 or so. There is usually three tables. One for the seniors, kids, and little kids. I will bring my iPad and play Eric’s baby grand.

That’s all for now. Time to start working on my Christmas letter.

Joe

Election Day

November 4, 2014

Another day in the life of caring for an ninety year old woman. Best laid plans and all that. Paula and Mary planned to attend a luncheon meeting for Assistance League. Assistance League is a charitable organization of women run by women. Starts at about 10am and runs until about 1:30pm. So I have about 3.5 hours of free time.
 
 So off I go to vote. Polling place pretty much deserted at 10am. I vote and head for Starbucks. I have a dark roast and cranberry scone. Delicious. I have a few minutes of peace and quiet.
 
 Now back to the election. CA sent out flyers that explained in gory detail all of the ballot questions. Arguments for and against. I hung on to them, knowing that Mary would want to study them. She wrote some notes but loses the notes. She can’t remember the details from one day to the next.
 
 Mind you the questions are complicated and would stress out a normal person with reasonable intelligence. So this morning Mary studies the information and writes some notes. So far so good.
 
 So Paula and Mary arrive home at about 1:30pm. Did you vote? I say. Paula yes, Mary no. She wasn’t ready. So I ask her was she planning on voting. Yes she says. I groan. That means that someone (probably me) will have to take her back to the polling place later. And it would have to happen before 5pm.
 
 She eventually gave up and went back to bed for a long afternoon nap.
 
 And by the way, she had another fall on Saturday night. She got dizzy and fell. Luckily no damage done. She couldn’t get up without help. We were planning on taking her to the Demolay installation. So Paula got her undressed and put her to bed to rest.
 
 TTFN…
 
 
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Travels with Mary

October 20, 2014

On Saturday Paula, Mary and I drove up to Visalia to attend the OES Grand Chapter Installation of our good friend Roger Nieder as Worthy Grand Patron. Visalia is about 200 miles north of San Pedro in California’s central valley. We usually do a rest stop about half way. This time we stopped for lunch in Gorman which is just about at the north end of the Grapevine.
 
 Normally we would have gone for the entire grand chapter session but that would have been too much for Mary to do. (Us too.) We have to be constantly watching her to keep her from falling. She has graduated from the walker to using a cane.
 
 So she moves oh so slowly. We try to have someone on her arm with the cane on the other arm. All it would take would be one bump from someone to knock her over. She has this idea in her head that she eventually will be able to ditch the cane. We tell her your PT person told you that you will always need a cane. She of course doesn’t remember any of this. She also thinks that someday she will be driving again. I don’t think so, Tim. Our constant answer is “We’ll see about that.”
 
 So we were staying in one room at a Holiday Inn (more on the hotel later) in Visalia. We would have loved to have the privacy of one room for us and one room for Mary, but we learned the lesson back in June that she needs to be closely supervised.
 
 It has been incredibly stressful for Paula and I to be constantly on guard with her especially in an unfamiliar environment and in crowds. The risk of a fall is ever present.
 
 So the installation started at about 7:30 PM. We had plenty of time to rest up for the event.


(l-r) Mary, Shawn Donahue (Sr Grand Deacon), and Paula
 
 


Roger Nieder, Worthy Grand Patron
 
 So we had a great time with no visits to any ER’s along the way. We arrived home on Sunday at about 3:00 PM after about a four hour ride.
 
 Now about the hotel. We stayed at a Holiday Inn Express. Room was comfortable but there were so many little faults that made to stay less than acceptable.
 
 1. They tried to put us in a room that hadn’t been cleaned. That meant that Mary stayed with Paula while I went back to the front desk to get our room changed.
 
 2. Coffee maker didn’t work.
 
 3. WiFi credentials didn’t work. Not that it matters much. Usually my cell phone data is faster than hotel WiFi. Never seen hotel Wifi much faster than 1 Mbps.
 
 4. Desk chair was broken.
 
 On the plus side, they had a decent restaurant with a decent breakfast buffet. We ate there on Sunday morning before we left.
 
 The list goes on and on. I expect hotels (even budget hotels) to take care of the little things. There are plenty of other budget hotels to choose from that do take care of them. We won’t be staying there again.
 
 We are trying to get back to doing “Date Night” again. Next Thursday, we have tickets to see the play “The Trip to Bountiful” with Blair Underwood and Cicely Tyson up in Downtown LA. Just the two of us. Sometimes just going shopping together seems like a date together.
 
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News from out West

September 13, 2014

Time for an update. It has been 3.5 months since Mary’s accident up in Salt Lake City. She is doing amazingly well. She is doing physical therapy twice a week. The therapist has been working on balance issues. She has started transitioning from the walker to a cane (the kind with four prongs at the base for additional stability). She uses the cane only at home.
 
 So physically she is doing fine. Mental issues are a different story. Short term memory is a problem. She will ask me in the morning what day it is. I tell her today is Saturday. Oh she says. Are we going to PT today? No that was yesterday.
 
 We are working hard on getting her to eat a healthy diet. If we weren’t her that would certainly not be happening. Sometimes though it is a struggle to figure out what she likes and doesn’t like.
 
 So she went with us last night to Eastern Star meeting at Lomita. I was filling in playing the piano for the chapter. Everyone was happy to see her and she them. It is often a struggle to get her out, but it is worth it when we do. It’s the initial struggle to get her started that is the problem. Once we get her moving she is fine. Overall, she is doing pretty good for 90.
 
 I seem to be seeing pictures of our friends back east wearing coats and jackets. So I guess it’s starting to get cold. It’s been in the 80’s all last week here in San Pedro. It’s been up in 100’s out in the desert. I still have a coat in the closet. I don’t expect to use it this winter either. It’s been almost three years since the last time I put the Jeep in 4-wheel drive. I seem to remember seeing an ice scraper in the back of the Jeep. Haven’t used it either.
 
 We are planning on driving up to Visalia for our friend Roger’s installation as Worthy Grand Patron for the Grand Chapter of California on October 18th. We asked Mary if she would like to go. She said yes, so we will drive up on Saturday (in October) and return the following day. Installation is on a Saturday evening.
 
 Our daughter in law in do to give birth to our second grand-baby this week. The baby is expected to be a girl and her name will be Sarah. We are very excited. We love being grand-parents. I will be posting pictures as soon as they are available.
 
 Apple announced new iPhones and the Apple Watch on Sept 9th. I have pre-ordered an iPhone Six Plus with 128Gb. I ordered the first day orders were allowed. I wasn’t nearly fast enough. Expected delivery is not until November. Sigh. I heard that orders for initial delivery sold out in minutes. Luckily, I don’t have to pay for it until it ships. Paula gets the iPhone 5S and I’ll try and find a home for the iPhone 4S that she is using now. I will post pictures and a review once I get the new phone.
 
 So you are probably wondering, Joe what about the Apple Watch? I am not getting an Apple Watch. I haven’t worn a watch in years. With an iPhone in my pocket, why do I need an iWatch? I would be wearing a watch that screams out “STEAL ME!!!”. Not going to happen.
 
 Our son Neil will be coming down from SLC to visit for week later this month. We are looking forward to his visit.
 
 That’s all the news that I can think of from Pedro. Stay warm (or cool) as the case may be.
 
 TTFN
 
 Joe
 
 
 
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Sophie’s Big 2

September 7, 2014

Today we attended the birthday for Sophie, Sophie turned two. She is the grand-daughter of our friends John and Chris Coil who live up in Davis, CA. The party was held at a nice park up in Santa Monica.
For my east coast friends, Santa Monica is a community about 10-20 miles west of downtown LA. We get there by taking the 405 north and then the 10 west. It is about a 45-60 minute drive from San Pedro. No big deal on a Sunday morning. Traffic was light and no delays. More about the party later.
So we had talked about meeting our friend Roberta at the Long Beach Greyhound station. I screwed up in not looking at text message detail from the previous night. Roberta had decided no to come. So no big deal, we would continue on to Santa Monica.
We were up early this morning to get ready. Of all the Sundays that Mary K didn’t go to church, she decided that she had to go to church today. We had told her about the party weeks ago. Of course, she didn’t remember anything about the conversation. She never remembers. So she tells us that she would call a cab. We ask do have money for that? Do you have phone number for cab company? So we decide to take her to church and drop her off. We called one of her friends to ask her to give her a ride home. I made sure that Mary had her cell phone and her house keys. So far, so good. I reminded her how to call me. I have speed dial set up on her phone. All she has to do is push the number 2 for 5 seconds.
Okay back to Santa Monica. Santa Monica has been in the news back in Boston over the last few days. Dunkin Donuts will be opening new restaurants on the West Coast. The first one was opened this past Tuesday in Santa Monica. So we think great, we’ll stop by and get an iced coffee and a donut. I load up the address on my GPS on my iPhone and off we go. We arrive at the address on Wilshire Blvd. Line is out the door and around the block. No DD iced coffee today. I reset the GPS to the park address and we continue on to the party. We’ll eventually get to a DD out here once the hoopla dies down. For the time being however, there’s Starbucks.
Santa Monica is also famous for being the location where Whitey Bulger hung out while on the lamb from the FBI for many years. By the way the unit went on the market recently.
Sasha and Zach (Sophie’s parents) had provided us with bagels and coffee and other treats. I found out that little Sophie likes cream cheese but doesn’t care for the bagel. So she had licked all of the cream cheese off of the bagel and didn’t eat the bagel. Good for a laugh.
There were lots of little kids at the party, the oldest probably about three or so. Lots of infants too.
So at about noon, I get a phone call from Mary. She had arrived home from church. She had gotten inside the perimeter door but couldn’t find the key for the condo door or couldn’t open the door. Now I know for sure that the key is on that key ring. Paula and I try to describe it to her. Eventually one of our neighbors helped her open the door. So we now have a couple of action items. Get some graphite to lubricate the lock and mark the key with some finger nail polish.
We never seem to be able to predict what kind of predicament that Mary can manage to get herself in. All of our best efforts to prepare for any eventuality are fraught with peril.
Here are a few pictures from the party.

Good Gravy

August 23, 2014

Okay, this is part story about cooking for our family here in San Pedro and part how to make gravy.

Long ago before I met Paula, I learned how to cook a turkey. In 1973, I was working for Raytheon in Houston Texas as a sort of high-tech gypsy installing systems for the FAA. I was away from home for the first time and my room-mate and I thought we ought to have a Thanksgiving dinner with all the trimmings. So I called home and asked Mom how it was done. So from that day forward, I made the Turkey.

So many years later, our family had flown out to San Pedro for Thanksgiving one year. We were there a few days before Turkey day, and we were discussing what to do for Thanksgiving. Mary was all for making reservations. Paula and I told her that wasn’t going to happen. We said we don’t do Thanksgiving in a restaurant. We offered to do the cooking. And so it began.

Our first challenge was to find a liquor store that sold Beaujolais Nouveau. Beaujolais Nouveau hits the market every year in November. But most of the grocery store hadn’t a clue what we were talking about. Eventually we found a few bottles. Now we were ready to get properly medicated for the event.

The next challenge was to clear off the dining room table. Over the previous few months, mail had accumulated to the point of becoming a huge pile. Harold and Mary weren’t accustomed to having a large group for dinner. So we started on the table.

I don’t think that Mary had been doing much cooking in that kitchen. We discovered on Thursday morning that the kitchen sink was clogged. Just imagine for a minute how hard it might be to find a plumber on Thanksgiving or Christmas. Can’t be done. We eventually got the sink unclogged with a plunger and the meal went off without any further hitches.

Paula and I tend to cook together often. Sometimes, I do all the cooking. Usually she has me do the oven roasts (beef, turkey, lamb, etc.) One time, just after we had arrived here two years ago, Mary complemented Paula on a fine meal. Paula says, ahem, Joe cooked that. Oops. She now pays more attention to who is doing the cooking. So last night, she complemented me on the Shepherd’s Pie. She cleaned her plate and had more today reheated for lunch. There is no better complement than to see someone licking the plate after the meal.

Now on to the gravy. Last night I was working on my version of Shepherd’s Pie. I started with three different recipes and kept the parts of each recipe that I liked. One recipe called for brown gravy. Browned the ground beef and time to make gravy.

For Shepherd’s Pie you need about a cup of gravy. Start with two Tablespoons of unsalted butter. Not margarine, BUTTER. The real thing. Never mind the cardiologist who going into fits.

Melt the butter in a small sauce pan over low heat. When the butter is completely melted, slowly stir in 2 tablespoons of flour with a whisk, stirring constantly. At this point you should have a nice smooth concoction. Measure out about 1 cup of beef broth. (If you are making chicken gravy, use chicken broth). Add about 2/3 cup into the mixture, continue stirring. As it thickens you will likely need to add more liquid to get the right consistency thickness. One can always make thick gravy thinner. Making thin gravy thicker is a bit of a problem.

Need more gravy? Just start with proportionally more butter, flour, and liquid. Process is the same. Add whatever flavoring suits you. For the Shepherd’s pie, I added a couple of tbsp’s worcestershire sauce, and a couple of tbsp’s of ketchup. Sometimes, I use gravy master. Adds flavor and makes the gravy a bit browner.

The Mystery of My Father’s Mind

August 15, 2014

This morning I read an interesting article about Alzheimer’s disease on the New York Times by Rebecca Rotert. Whenever I see an article on the human mind I usually read it to try to make sense the changes that are happening to Paula’s mother’s mind.
 
 Here is an excerpt from the article:
 
 


 He went to the opera with her for years, and even though he dreaded it — the horrible seats, the suit and tie, the story he couldn’t understand — he never let on. Except to us kids. When they announced that they were headed to the opera, he would make a face as if he were about to undergo a spinal tap. But to her, he remained willing, enthusiastic even. It was one of the things I loved most about their love, the emotional concessions they made. I will not only go to the opera with you, but I will be happy about it, so that your joy can flow uninterrupted.
 
 Tonight, Mom’s going to the opera with an old friend, and I stay home with Dad. We don’t leave him alone anymore. Without Mom he’s terrified.
 
 Mom around here somewhere? he asks. I tell him she’s at the opera. He looks at the window, then back at me. Is Mom around?

 
 Here is the pointer to the entire article.
 
 And so it goes, we try not to leave Mary alone for very long. It seems that in some cases our minds fail before our bodies. We are seeing that in Mary.
 
 When we first moved out here in 2012, she was not very happy with us moving in with her. She didn’t feel that she needed any help. Fast forward two years, and she has learned to appreciate our presence. Though she still hasn’t learned how to use the TV remote. She hasn’t told us but I think that she knows that if we weren’t here she would be in a nursing home.
 
 The other point I took from the article was how their love manifested itself. Go read the whole article.
 
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Mary

August 14, 2014

Every day is a struggle. We continue to try to keep it together. Mary’s memory continues to fail.

This evening we were having dinner and discussing our plans for a picnic on Saturday. We always try to be inclusive with Mary. We tell her of our plans and ask her would she like to go.

We are planning to meet with our long time friend Roberta who will be taking the train from San Diego up to Anaheim. We told Mary that we would pick Roberta up at the train station at Angel’s Stadium and go to a local park in Orange to meet up with Mike and family.

Mary asks us “Do I know Roberta?”. We tell her we should hope so. She was Paula’s maid of honor at our wedding and friend of Paula since her days at UC Davis. Blank stare. She was at Harold’s funeral in 2009. Nothing.

Were Harold and I at the wedding? Yes, let me show you a picture.

2014-08-13 20.20.05

 

Well she recognized the picture, but had no remembrance of the event. I thought that only her short term memory was failing, but from this event it seems clear that her long term memory is also failing. Picture was taken in October, 1978. Sigh.

She probably won’t come to the picnic. She is worried about the rough surfaces and possibility of falling. Fair enough, we understand.