calherewecome

Mike, Jonathan and Mary

Time for an update on Mary. Physically, she is doing just fine. No colds, no infections, no falls, no trips to urgent care or the ER. She’s doing as well as one could hope for 90+ years of age. That doesn’t mean things are getting easier.

Paula and I had a chance to sit and talk without Mary listening. We headed out to our local Starbuck’s and sat outside on a beautiful spring day and talked about everything. Mostly these days we are trying as best we can to improve Mary’s quality of life. It can be frustrating at times, but we give it our best shot.

Last Friday,  we told her that we would be going to the Mariner’s Night at the lodge. This event is held on the first and third Friday of the month. It is a casual get together where a light dinner is served along with drinks among friends. We usually just sit and have a drink and talk with our friends.

We try to encourage Mary to go so that she can socialize with other people (some of who she knows). Last couple of times she told us that she doesn’t like going. We suspect that the reason is that she has trouble holding up her side of the conversation. Her conversation skills have fallen such that all she can do is say hello and how are you. It didn’t help things when she found out that dinner was spaghetti, garlic bread and salad. Mary doesn’t like pasta, especially spaghetti. She doesn’t care much for bread either.

For us, it’s a chance to get out of the house and not cook dinner and not have to clean up. (Which of course, Mary no longer does and hasn’t done for years.) So we tell her that perhaps we can bring some food home for you. She says, oh alright I’ll go.

So Mary has told us on occasion that she would like to get out more. But when we do take her someplace, she complains or just sits and does nothing. There are many days where she gets up in the morning at 9 am eats breakfast and goes back to bed and sleeps all day. Sigh.

For instance, on Friday Paula took Mary to get their hair done. While I took the Toyota to the dealer for service. After they were done at the hair salon, they went clothes shopping at Draper & Damon’s (a local women’s clothing store). Mary went into the store and just sat. Paula couldn’t get her to look at any clothing. Sigh. Not that she needs any clothing. She has two closets full of clothing that she never wears.

A couple of weeks ago, Paula took her to the eye doctor. The doctor did a refractometry exam. (That’s the procedure where the optometrist figures out your eye glass prescription.) Mary has been wearing glasses for a while now, mostly for watching television or driving. Of course, she doesn’t drive anymore, so now it’s just for TV.

We wanted to get her another pair of glasses to keep in her purse. We think that she has another pair of glasses stashed somewhere, but damned if we know where she put them. Primary use would be at church where she can’t see the words on the screen. So the one pair of glasses that she haves usually gets left behind at home. Also, I don’t think that Mary likes being seen wearing eye glasses. Again, sigh.

One more thing, Paula and I have been trying to get her to talk about what she would like for her funeral service after she dies. We have asked many probing questions. Do you want an OES service? Cremated? Favorite hymn?  Favorite Bible verse? We’ve got nothing. She doesn’t like talking about it. I guess she figures that she will live forever.  It’s becoming clear that we will be on our own for deciding on funeral services.

Later,

Not a good day today. Too many balls in the air. Paula had a meeting at the Asst League this morning.

Mary was complaining of pain in her left shoulder. This is the same shoulder that she had surgery on in Jan 2014 after a fall in December 2013. So we dug out the sling from that surgery for her to immobilize her arm. We then called her orthopod for an appointment.

So the appointment was for 11:00 AM. So Paula was tied up for her meeting. That meant I would take her for the Dr’s appointment. After much effort we got her dressed. The only way that I will let her out of the house in her PJ’s is on a stretcher heading to the ER. So Paula got her dressed. And off we go.

Parking at the orthopod is difficult. Certainly no HP slots available. Got a space in the basement garage and got her to the elevator and up to the Dr’s office. So far, so good.

Dr. comes in and talks with Mary and I. He has her try to lift and turn her arm, make a fist, etc. So he schedules X-ray across the street at Little Company of Mary Hospital. It’s a long walk. Certainly more than Mary is capable of, even with a tail-wind. So the nurse loaned us a wheel chair and off we go to LCMH.

Finished the X-ray. Texted Paula with status. Agreed to meet in LCMH cafeteria. We had about 45 minutes to kill waiting for follow-up ortho. By far the worst pizza and french fries I have had in a long time.

So I go to my car and fetch Mary’s purse and hand off to Paula. Ortho says no fracture, rest and take pain meds. Scheduled follow-up in a week. I am not sure what else can be done. Surgery isn’t really an option. Ease the pain and do no harm. Met Paula at the elevator and helped Mary up to our door. She was positively running on fumes.

I thought of taking a picture but thought better of it. You don’t want to see her looking that bad. Better to remember better days.

Well Paula is off to CVS to pick up Rx and a couple of other things. We are so looking forward to a weekend off.  God bless the care-givers.

TTFN,

Joe

Last night we got a call from our son, Neil. We hear from Neil every now and then. Neil lives in Salt Lake City. Neil works for the local transit authority in SLC. He likes the job. It’s a good job with good benefits. He told us that he will be getting trained to drive the LRV (Light Rail Vehicle) Heavy Rail trains this fall. He will have vacation in November. He probably will come visit us in San Pedro.

So when he calls we usually put the phone on speaker mode so that we all can join in the call. Mary didn’t have anything to say but listened.

So here’s the stupid question. Later, after the call was done, Mary asks Paula “Do you wish Neil was living in San Pedro?”. Well, duh. Yes. But it’s not likely to happen.

This is the sort of thing we get from Mary a lot lately. People ask if she has Alzheimer’s. I usually say that I don’t think so. At least in my limited understanding of Alzeimer’s.. Click here for the Wiki entry. But some sort of dementia?  Yes. Her mind is slowly fading away.

For example, the other day she was feeling lonely. So she told me that she sure would like a puppy dog to keep her company. Those were her exact words “Puppy Dog”. So I ask her “Who is going to take care of a dog?”. Oh, I will she says. So you will take it for walks and pick up the dog poop? Oh, yes she says.

She was sounding like a five year old, begging for his parents to get him a dog. Here’s the women who can barely make it to the bathroom without help, promising to take a dog for a walk. Never mind that a puppy dog would out live her for many years.

Of course, you know exactly who would be picking up poop and feeding the dog. Moi. So I  told her that a puppy dog is not in the plans. Of course, she will forget the entire conversation by today.

A couple more thoughts and then I will shutup. We are coming up on our three year anniversary of our moving to San Pedro.  Three years ago today, we were in Memphis, TN touring Graceland.  Without us, Mary would certainly be in a nursing home. Paula is an only child, so there are no siblings to share the load. 

Indeed, if Mike and Neil were still living in Mass. we would never have moved out here. We would have loaded Mary onto a big silver bird and taken her back east to Mass. But that didn’t happen, did it.

I am becoming convinced that the bathroom is the most dangerous room in our house. Let me repeat, the bathroom is the most dangerous room in our house. Not the kitchen, the bathroom.

Mary doesn’t go into the kitchen very much. She might on rare occasions use the microwave. But for the most part, she stays out of the kitchen. But not for that the kitchen would win the award for most dangerous room.

The plan yesterday was for Paula to take Mary to a fashion show at Draper & Damon’s in Torrance. Paula was taking her shower and getting dressed. Mary was getting dressed in her bathroom. She seemed to be taking a long time.

Eventually, Paula went in to check on how things were going. I, for obvious reasons, tend to stay out of her bathroom.

So Mary has a small stool that she sits on while dressing. So she got dizzy while standing up and took a dive. She bumped her head but no serious damage. So Paula helped her get onto her feet. Then finished helping her get ready. And off they went to the fashion show.

When we are walking outside either Paula or I stay by her side and take her left arm. That just doesn’t happen in the bathroom.

I swear the bathroom will kill that woman yet. But not today.