Posted tagged ‘Aging’

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On Dying

July 4, 2015

So Happy Fourth of July to everyone. We will be going to a pot luck picnic at our Masonic Lodge in San Pedro. The lodge has a spectacular view of the LA Harbor. It is an excellent spot to watch the fireworks. It is familiar territory. We try to avoid big crowds with Mary. She doesn’t do well with them. I will post pictures tomorrow.

So this morning I read an article by Eleanor Goodman on dying. Eleanor Goodman you might remember (or perhaps not) as a columnist for the Boston Globe. The article’s title is “How to Talk about Dying”.

The article really hit home for us. For example, she says,

 

 

 

 

Yes, my mother and I talked about everything — but we didn’t talk about how she wanted to live toward the end. The closest we ever came to discussing her wishes was when she would see someone in dire straits and say, “If I’m ever like that, pull the plug.” But most of the time there is no plug to pull.

 

Right, no plug indeed. She also talks about something the experts call executive function, where one loses the ability to do ordinary things like deciding what to eat or how to turn on the TV or make a phone call.

Mary is certainly heading in that direction. She gets stuck in a rut on what to have for breakfast. For a while, all she would eat would be Cheerios with blueberries. Then all of a sudden, she starts eating Raisin Bran. She probably switched because we were out of Cheerios, so now Raisin Bran is the new normal.

Slowly but surely, we are taking over those executive functions on what she eats or what medicines she takes to insure that her last days are the best that they can be.

So back to the column. Ms Goodman is working on a non-profit called “The Conversation Project”. Here’s the pointer to her piece in the NY TImes.

And here’s the link to “The Conversation Project“. Go take a look. You won’t regret it.

Categories: Aging, Dying, Mary
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Mary!

June 27, 2015

  Time for another update on Mary. She is more or less the same as two weeks ago. Here are a couple of stories worth telling.

Mary needs someone at her side almost constantly. She uses her cane. She has a walker but doesn’t like to use it. So we need to walk by her side so that she doesn’t fall. A fall in this point in her life would be deadly. So this week she decided that she would like to attend the monthly luncheon meeting of her Republican Women’s club at the Ports’o’Call restaurant in San Pedro.

So this caused us to have some logistical issues. First, neither Paula nor I are members. I fail to meet two of the requirements, that of being a woman and being a republican, Paula passes the first requirement (of being a woman) but not the second. What to do? One time early in our stay here in LA, Paula did go with her but swore to me and to herself, NEVER AGAIN!

So that means making alternate arrangements. We call Mary’s friend Beth to see if she can give her a ride home. Paula would take her and leaver her. Beth would make the lunch reservation and bring her home. So far so good. Then on Thursday morning Beth calls me to tell me that she has had to cancel. That means we need to make alternate arrangements. I relayed the information to Paula while she was with Mary getting her hair done at Rose’s Beauty Salon.

Paula would go and pick her up at 2:00 PM. We tried to get someone to stay with Mary until Paula picked her up so that she didn’t go wandering off. Paula picked her up on time. Mary had won a door prize which was a bottle of Kahlua with rum. Not sure what we’re going to do it. Mary doesn’t do rum or coffee brandy. Perhaps we’ll donate it to the lodge for pub night.

One time a year or so ago, one of her friends asked Mary why Paula didn’t come. So Mary, told the friend that Paula’s husband (that being me) wouldn’t let her. Well Paula just about blew a gasket when the story made its way back to her. She had a word with Mary about making up stories. To which we add, “God Bless President Obama”.

Now for the second story. Paula and I try to keep up with what Mary likes to eat and drink. Sometimes the best of plans go awry. First example: Mary has been eating Cheerios with blueberries for a long time. Suddenly she decided that she would like to try something different. We offer her instant oatmeal, nope that’s not it.

We tried frozen waffles. She tried them once but doesn’t seem to care for them long term. Once she suggested that we make waffles from scratch. Paula and I said that’s not going to happen,

I usually have some Raisin Bran Crunch. She decides that she’ll try that with blueberries. Well she loves the stuff. Lucky for us Raisin Bran Crunch is on sale at Haggen’s.

Next example: For a while now, she has been drinking either cranberry juice or apple juice. She was also drinking Dr Pepper. But we have weaned her off of the sodas. We thought that the caffeine and the sugar couldn’t be doing her any good. Now all of a sudden she wants hot chocolate. (Nestle’s Quik mixed with 2% milk and put in the microwave for 45 seconds. Now we have a couple of gallons of juice that is not getting consumed. She will have to have the juice tonight because we are out of milk and quik. We will push the juice before we restock the Nestle’s Quik.

Occasionally people give us suggestions on places to take her. One suggestion was some fashion show in the South Bay. We gently tell people that Mary isn’t the same person that she was five years ago. Going to some of these events takes planning. How accessible is it. Are there enough HP parking spaces? Crazy as it might seem, the store that seems to have the most HP spots is Home Depot. And award for the least number of HP spots go to the grocery stores. We have an HP placard, but a lot of times the HP spaces fill up fast. Evening events are trouble. She gets tired easy and walking in the dark is a big problem. And then after all is said and done, two days later she doesn’t even remember going.

We prefer going to known venues that we are comfortable for Mary and us. Church and Lodge fit the bill nicely. There are either ramp and/or elevator. The church has about four HP slots plus a number of spaces for the “elderly”. So we’ll have a quiet night at home and go to church with her tomorrow.

I will add a new picture next time I write about Mary.

Categories: Aging, Family, Mary
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Mary

May 29, 2015

Today is Friday and that generally means an appointment for Mary at Rose’s Hair Salon in San Pedro. So I helped Mary walk down to the elevator and then into the Prius. She seems to always need someone holding her arm when she walks. The dizziness is not getting any better.

I took her to the YMCA on Tuesday. She did her time on the tread mill and exercise bike.

  
We will probably be going to Mariner’s night at LA Harbor Lodge tonight. That means that we don’t have to cook tonight.

Memory is gone. She still remembers our names, but she couldn’t remember our grandson Jonathan’s name or how old he is.

We keep on keeping on.

Categories: Family, Mary, San Pedro
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It Is Well with My Soul

March 22, 2015

Every week on Wednesday, Paula, Mary (sometimes) and I attend a senior Bible study group at Ocean View Baptist Church. The group is lead by our senior pastor Jacques. Pastor Jacques usually struggles to get through his lesson plan because we managed to go down many ratholes in search of understanding.

Usually, the group starts with prayers. This is also a time for folks to share those who might be in the hospital and/or sick. After the prayers, we sing a hymn. I get to choose the hymn. I usually like to choose old standards. I don’t care for the new-agey hymns that are sung during our Sunday services. The seniors seem to be all right with that.

A little over a year ago, Jacques came to our home to visit with Mary who had just gotten home from the hospital after shoulder surgery. So, Pastor Jacques sees our piano. He asks Mary if she played the piano. So she said no, that would be Joe’s piano. So Jacques discovers that I play the piano. He asks if I would be willing to play a hymn for the Bible study group every week. I said certainly.

So I pass around a piece of paper requesting what everyone’s favorite hymns were. I then started working through the list.

I usually pick a hymn on Monday or Tuesday and email the music to Jacques. Jacques prints out about 20 copies for the group. So I play the hymn and sometimes “Happy Birthday” for whoever is celebrating a birthday.

A few weeks ago I played a hymn and right after I finished i segued into a few bars of “Alley Cat”. That always amuses everyone. I get to play what I like. Darrell (a retired pastor) humorously said that we shouldn’t be playing boogie-woogie on a Baptist piano.

So now let me get to the title of this post. I read a blog (one of many) called “The Inspired Funeral” by Amy Cunningham. She writes:

“It is Well With My Soul” is one Christian hymn that expresses faith in God and peace with loss. It’s a predictably terrific number for the funerals or memorial services of people who were ready to die.

She also posted a pointer to Youtube video of Marion Williams singing “It is Well with My Soul”. I was so moved by her performance, I decided that we just had to do it on Wednesday.

Here’s the video for your enjoyment:

Here are lyrics from the first verse:

When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Refrain:
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Categories: Aging, Blogging, Music
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Update on Mary

March 12, 2015

2015-01-27 10.53.58 HDRIt is time to write and update on Mary. She has been doing pretty well lately, She goes to the YMCA in San Pedro twice a week to exercise. The YMCA has a program that they call “Beyond Rehab” that runs twice a week.

The room has the usual exercise equipment like treadmills and recumbent bicycles. The room is staffed with a nurse and a respiratory therapist (and some times student nurses).

The program is designed to help folks who are recovering from falls, strokes and other misfortunes of growing old.

Mary always likes to stop and watch the little children in the YMCA pre-school program.

So yesterday, Mary had a follow-up appointment with her neurologist. Paula usually takes her to most medical appointments. She is doing remarkably well for someone her age. They had her do some sort of cognitive function test to judge how well she is doing. They asked questions like “What day is it?” or “What city do you live in?” etc. She did pretty good in that she got 23 out of 30 questions right.

The major issue the neurologist is monitoring is “hydrocephalus” or water on the brain. Here is an interesting article about the condition. In Mary’s case it primarily affects her walking abilities. There is nothing much that can be done. A surgeon could install a shunt to reduce the pressure of the spinal fluid, but that would be extremely risky for someone of Mary’s age. So we just monitor and visit the neurologist every six months or so.

So we are going on nine months without any serious falls. We try to make sure that she ALWAYS has her cane. And we certainly don’t let her drive. (Luckily she hasn’t asked.) We haven’t ventured far from home since our trip to Visalia in October. Our concern is that accidents that happen far from home are much more difficult to handle logistically. We are still trying to figure out how to manage Paula’s and my trip to Boston in May. We can leave her for a couple of hours to go to a movie but leaving for five days is a whole other ballgame.

So that’s it for now in San Pedro.

TTFN

Categories: Aging, Mary
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Mary and other news…

November 26, 2014

It’s time for an update on Mary. Paula and Mary are off to Rose’s Beauty Salon to get Mary’s hair done before Thanksgiving. So I have a couple of hours of blissful piece and quiet.

Here’s the protocol. I walk Mary down to the elevator and then down to the garage while Paula gets the car and picks her up. Get her into the front seat and buckle her up. Her walking is getting more troublesome. Paula and I call it the “old lady shuffle”. As much as she tries to keep up a normal gait, she tends to shuffle along with her cane. Her neurologist says it is likely due to her hydro-encephalitis (ie. water on her brain). He once told us that he could install a shunt to ease the build up of fluid, but surgery at her age is very risky. So she took a pass. He said that we should expect incontinence to happen. Looks like we will buying stock in Depends.

She has pretty much recovered from the hip surgery back in June. She went through a couple of months of PT. She had another fall in October. Luckily, no damage done. It’s hard to predict when it will happen. She didn’t trip over anything. She just got dizzy and down she went.

We haven’t been doing much travelling lately. We feel comfortable leaving her alone for a couple of hours, but not so much for several days. So that being the case, we didn’t go to any OES receptions this Summer. We did go to Visalia with Mary for the OES Grand Installation in October. Usually the trips are an occasion for Paula and I to relax, but when we bring Mary along we have to stay vigilant. Of course, that means there is more money left in the bank at the end of the month.

We are not quite sure how we will deal with travel next year. We really don’t want to miss MA OES Grand Chapter in May. After the holidays, we will look into respite care to get someone to stay with her while we are gone.

Back in January, we visited her primary bank office and got Mary to add us as signers on her checking and savings account. Since that time, I have been managing her finances, paying bills etc. We have also been visiting other banks to do the same. At some point we will need to revisit her will and make sure everything all of her final plans are in order. My goal is to avoid probate as much as possible.

Mary’s short term memory continues to deteriorate. She usually has to struggle to figure out what day it is. But she seems to remember that Tuesday is the day the Mike and his family come for dinner. She is always happy to Jonathan and Sarah.

The daily grind of doctor visits and PT sessions has eased somewhat. We generally offer to take her to OES meetings. Sometimes she comes, sometimes not. Game time decision. We don’t offer to take her on grocery shopping trips, too much walking for her. Besides, that is one of the times that Paula and I can get away. So much so that the grocery clerk notices when Paula isn’t with me. Of course, the grocery store has a Starbuck’s and they know what I usually order.

Well tomorrow is Thanksgiving. We are planning to have dinner with Theresa’s family in Rancho Palos Verdes. Eric has the largest house and is best able to handle a large crowd. I expect a crowd of 25 or so. There is usually three tables. One for the seniors, kids, and little kids. I will bring my iPad and play Eric’s baby grand.

That’s all for now. Time to start working on my Christmas letter.

Joe

Categories: Aging, Family
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Election Day

November 4, 2014

Another day in the life of caring for an ninety year old woman. Best laid plans and all that. Paula and Mary planned to attend a luncheon meeting for Assistance League. Assistance League is a charitable organization of women run by women. Starts at about 10am and runs until about 1:30pm. So I have about 3.5 hours of free time.
 
 So off I go to vote. Polling place pretty much deserted at 10am. I vote and head for Starbucks. I have a dark roast and cranberry scone. Delicious. I have a few minutes of peace and quiet.
 
 Now back to the election. CA sent out flyers that explained in gory detail all of the ballot questions. Arguments for and against. I hung on to them, knowing that Mary would want to study them. She wrote some notes but loses the notes. She can’t remember the details from one day to the next.
 
 Mind you the questions are complicated and would stress out a normal person with reasonable intelligence. So this morning Mary studies the information and writes some notes. So far so good.
 
 So Paula and Mary arrive home at about 1:30pm. Did you vote? I say. Paula yes, Mary no. She wasn’t ready. So I ask her was she planning on voting. Yes she says. I groan. That means that someone (probably me) will have to take her back to the polling place later. And it would have to happen before 5pm.
 
 She eventually gave up and went back to bed for a long afternoon nap.
 
 And by the way, she had another fall on Saturday night. She got dizzy and fell. Luckily no damage done. She couldn’t get up without help. We were planning on taking her to the Demolay installation. So Paula got her undressed and put her to bed to rest.
 
 TTFN…
 
 
 – Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Categories: Aging, Family
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Sophie’s Big 2

September 7, 2014

Today we attended the birthday for Sophie, Sophie turned two. She is the grand-daughter of our friends John and Chris Coil who live up in Davis, CA. The party was held at a nice park up in Santa Monica.
For my east coast friends, Santa Monica is a community about 10-20 miles west of downtown LA. We get there by taking the 405 north and then the 10 west. It is about a 45-60 minute drive from San Pedro. No big deal on a Sunday morning. Traffic was light and no delays. More about the party later.
So we had talked about meeting our friend Roberta at the Long Beach Greyhound station. I screwed up in not looking at text message detail from the previous night. Roberta had decided no to come. So no big deal, we would continue on to Santa Monica.
We were up early this morning to get ready. Of all the Sundays that Mary K didn’t go to church, she decided that she had to go to church today. We had told her about the party weeks ago. Of course, she didn’t remember anything about the conversation. She never remembers. So she tells us that she would call a cab. We ask do have money for that? Do you have phone number for cab company? So we decide to take her to church and drop her off. We called one of her friends to ask her to give her a ride home. I made sure that Mary had her cell phone and her house keys. So far, so good. I reminded her how to call me. I have speed dial set up on her phone. All she has to do is push the number 2 for 5 seconds.
Okay back to Santa Monica. Santa Monica has been in the news back in Boston over the last few days. Dunkin Donuts will be opening new restaurants on the West Coast. The first one was opened this past Tuesday in Santa Monica. So we think great, we’ll stop by and get an iced coffee and a donut. I load up the address on my GPS on my iPhone and off we go. We arrive at the address on Wilshire Blvd. Line is out the door and around the block. No DD iced coffee today. I reset the GPS to the park address and we continue on to the party. We’ll eventually get to a DD out here once the hoopla dies down. For the time being however, there’s Starbucks.
Santa Monica is also famous for being the location where Whitey Bulger hung out while on the lamb from the FBI for many years. By the way the unit went on the market recently.
Sasha and Zach (Sophie’s parents) had provided us with bagels and coffee and other treats. I found out that little Sophie likes cream cheese but doesn’t care for the bagel. So she had licked all of the cream cheese off of the bagel and didn’t eat the bagel. Good for a laugh.
There were lots of little kids at the party, the oldest probably about three or so. Lots of infants too.
So at about noon, I get a phone call from Mary. She had arrived home from church. She had gotten inside the perimeter door but couldn’t find the key for the condo door or couldn’t open the door. Now I know for sure that the key is on that key ring. Paula and I try to describe it to her. Eventually one of our neighbors helped her open the door. So we now have a couple of action items. Get some graphite to lubricate the lock and mark the key with some finger nail polish.
We never seem to be able to predict what kind of predicament that Mary can manage to get herself in. All of our best efforts to prepare for any eventuality are fraught with peril.
Here are a few pictures from the party.

Categories: Aging, California, Family
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The New Old Age

August 27, 2014

I found an interesting article on the New York Times blog on aging today. The title is “Her Own Kind of Absence”

It was 8:30 a.m. Only weeks earlier, she would have been in the kitchen by 8:30, asking me what was on the agenda for the day. Now, she wouldn’t move, her thin, knobby fingers resting on the coverlet.

I didn’t know if my 93-year-old mother was depressed or if her dementia had suddenly worsened. She had been living in my upstate New York home for a year and a half, ever since I had convinced her she could no longer live alone.

 

Whenever I see an article about either Dementia and/or Alzheimer’s it tend to click through to read it. The articles on the New York Times are always worth reading.

It is worth reading. Here is the link to the entire article.

I have also added the link to “The New Old Age” on my Blogroll list. See the lower right hand corner of the screen. The “Blog Roll” is my list of Blogs that I find interesting. I will be editing and updating over the next day or so.

 

Categories: Aging, Blogging
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The Mystery of My Father’s Mind

August 15, 2014

This morning I read an interesting article about Alzheimer’s disease on the New York Times by Rebecca Rotert. Whenever I see an article on the human mind I usually read it to try to make sense the changes that are happening to Paula’s mother’s mind.
 
 Here is an excerpt from the article:
 
 


 He went to the opera with her for years, and even though he dreaded it — the horrible seats, the suit and tie, the story he couldn’t understand — he never let on. Except to us kids. When they announced that they were headed to the opera, he would make a face as if he were about to undergo a spinal tap. But to her, he remained willing, enthusiastic even. It was one of the things I loved most about their love, the emotional concessions they made. I will not only go to the opera with you, but I will be happy about it, so that your joy can flow uninterrupted.
 
 Tonight, Mom’s going to the opera with an old friend, and I stay home with Dad. We don’t leave him alone anymore. Without Mom he’s terrified.
 
 Mom around here somewhere? he asks. I tell him she’s at the opera. He looks at the window, then back at me. Is Mom around?

 
 Here is the pointer to the entire article.
 
 And so it goes, we try not to leave Mary alone for very long. It seems that in some cases our minds fail before our bodies. We are seeing that in Mary.
 
 When we first moved out here in 2012, she was not very happy with us moving in with her. She didn’t feel that she needed any help. Fast forward two years, and she has learned to appreciate our presence. Though she still hasn’t learned how to use the TV remote. She hasn’t told us but I think that she knows that if we weren’t here she would be in a nursing home.
 
 The other point I took from the article was how their love manifested itself. Go read the whole article.
 
 – Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

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