Archive for the ‘Mary’ category

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Funerals

April 23, 2017

Today Paula went to the funeral for the former organist/pianist from Ocean View Baptist Church. We asked Mary if she would like to go. We explained who she was and that Mary probably knew her at one time. But of course, the name didn’t ring a bell. Showed her a picture of her. Nothing.

Here’s the thing. Right now at this time in her life Mary does not like going to funerals. Doesn’t matter who the person was. She doesn’t want to go. She won’t go. Period. End of discussion.

Normally I would have gone with Paula, but I decided to stay with Mary.

So what is it about funerals with Mary? We have tried on many occasions to have a discussion with her on what she would like for her own funeral. We get nothing. We get stonewalled.

We ask cremation or not? Where would you like to be buried? The only guidance we got was that she wants Harold’s ashes buried with her. (Harold died in 2009 and was cremated.) That we can handle. So many questions.

So Paula and I are the ones stuck with the decisions. Paula is an only child. So there’s no sibling to talk to. Somehow, we will come up with a plan. That’s both a blessing and a curse. No one to argue with but at the same no one to share the load.

I found a blog a few years ago that I thought gave me some thoughts and insight. The blog is called “The Inspired Funeral“. Take a look.

Categories: Family, Mary, Obituaries
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Southpaw

April 20, 2017

Today was supposed to be an easy day. I had a dentist appointment at 11:10 for X-Rays and a filling. So my dentist is Dr Tulley. Dr Tulley is left handed. When I first met him I followed his assistant into his treatment room. I told her, Hey this room is set up backwards. I asked her, Is Dr Tulley left-handed? She says, yes he is.

So I meet Dr Tulley. I ask him how did a South Paw get to be a dentist? Well, somehow he did. Dr Tulley went to Tufts Dental School in Massachusetts. So, Dr Tulley is a Red Sox fan. This is getting better. Every visit, we get to talk a little baseball before we get started. Another MA expatriate in San Pedro. He’s teaching his kids to be Red Sox fans. Way to go, Dr T.

So there’s cavity is on one of my bridges near the gum line. This is not good. He was only able to patch it. That means he will have to replace the bridge. He took more X-rays to submit to the insurance company for pre-authorization. Even with insurance, it will still cost me a few $K’s. We’ll start the work after our trip to Boston in May. Time to take out some mega bucks from my IRA.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, Mary was up early and complaining of something in her eye. So Paula makes an appointment with her eye doctor in Long Beach. Schedule is tight. I have dentist appointment and Paula is working at Asst League. Eye doc doesn’t find anything. Paula stops at MacD’s and gets Mary a chocolate shake.  Mary’s happy.

Mary has trouble identifying foods that we are serving her. ” What’s this?”, she says. Pizza I tell her. What are you putting on it? Hot pepper, but you probably don’t want it on your pizza. (Mary is not much for spicy.) Another time we made pork chops. Same question. Oh, and Mary loves watermelon. She loves the stuff. She would rather eat watermelon than say ice cream,

A couple of weeks ago, Mary said that she would sure love to have a “puppy dog” (her words, not mine). We both told her not going to happen. Told her a pet is a 15 year commitment. And who do think would be in charge of walking said “puppy dog” and picking up dog-poop? Anyways, not going to happen. No way, no how, not on my watch.

Mary gets her hair done on Friday. While she is sitting under the hair dryer, Paula and I will do the grocery shopping. I can get an iced coffee at the Starbucks at the grocery store. Venti iced coffee, no sweetener, leave room. They know what I want. They have a cup holder for your beverage on the grocery cart. This is one of the few times that we can get away from her without leaving her alone.

To my friends back east in the land of Dunkin’ Donuts, this is wrong. I tell them that when Dunky’s is on every corner and in many a supermarket, I might consider going back to Dunky’s. But for now, Starbucks it is. Closest Dunky’s is in Santa Monica, a 45 minute drive without traffic.

It’s getting hot here in San Pedro. Forecast in the 80’s all next week. Break out the shorts. Had the AC serviced last week. Just in time.

TTFN

Joe

Categories: Family, Mary
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Easter’s Done

April 16, 2017

We had an excellent dinner last night. Nothing left but a small sliver of apple pie.

So Grandpa (me) was the hero because I insisted that we get vanilla ice cream AND whipped cream. Paula and Mike both don’t care for whipped cream. Jonathan and Sarah however enjoyed having both on their pie.

So after dinner, Paula brings out the apple pie. Jonathan tells us we need a candle. So we get a candle so that can make a wish. So after dessert, we give Mike his birthday gift (a polo shirt). So Jonathan was helping Mike open the package. He pulled out the shirt and then the packing paper. So Jonathan looks once again in the bag and says: “IS THAT ALL?”. The rest of us were rolling on the floor laughing. We also gave him a gift card for Amazon.

We had breakfast here at home instead of going out to eat. Our favorite diner (Pacific Diner) is closed for Easter. Easter and Mother’s Day are two days to avoid restaurants. Too crowded for my taste. Waffles and scrambled eggs. Kids searching for Easter eggs. We didn’t hide them that hard.

So Sarah took a nap and Mary is down for her afternoon nap. Now Jonathan is running on fumes. He needs a nap badly. OD’ing on chocolate. I try to console him, but the only thing that will work this time is a nap.

Mary has trouble remembering what food was served.  What’s this she asks? That’s a waffle. What do I do with it? What do I put on it? Maple syrup we tell her. We did manage to get her to church services at 9 am. Parking is a lot easier when we go to the early service rather than the service at 10:30. But it does mean that we have to be up at 0 dark thirty. Two weeks in a row that we’ve managed to get her to go to church. We didn’t have time to hang around to chat after the service.

Categories: Family, Mary
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Easter

April 15, 2017
Swan Boats

Boston Swan Boats 

Today is April 15. For most people this is tax day. For us, this is our son Mike’s birthday. We will be celebrating with Mike and his family this evening. Mike got to choose the menu for this evening. He requested beef enchiladas, refried beans and home made apple pie.

On Mike’s 21st birthday, he ran the Boston Marathon. (This year the Boston Marathon will be on Monday April 17th.) After we met him at the finish line, we went out to dinner. Mike drank his first “legal” beer. He had to run back to our car to get his driver’s license to prove his age. Restaurant didn’t ask to see it.

 

Paula baked the pie this morning. We are all resting now to get ready for their arrival. My job has been to take out the trash and empty the re-cycle bin.

Tomorrow is Easter and that means we will be doing brunch after church. We used to go out to restaurants after Easter, but that got a little bit too crazy and expensive. So a couple of years ago, we decided that it would be easier all around to do brunch at home. The kids can play and grownups can talk and drink coffee. We’ll be doing waffles and scrambled eggs with ham.

Ducklings

Ducklings at Boston Public Garden

Paula is all ready for Easter bunny activities. Eggs will be hidden in all the right places. We found a couple of old children’s books, including a well worn copy of “Make Way for Ducklings”. My job is to sit and read to Jonathan. Sarah also likes to sit and watch PBS video on my iPad.

Now about Mary, she is doing well. Her memory is shot. She remembers us, but she can’t remember what she did 20 minutes ago let alone yesterday or last week. We try to control the information flow. We gave her a newsletter from our local Shriner’s club to read. She studied it every day for the past three days. Now it’s time for it to disappear.

We managed to get her to go church last Sunday. Palm Sunday is when our church does its Easter Cantata. I don’t know about getting her to go to Easter services. It’s crowded and parking is a big challenge. In the words of Coach Belichick, that will be a game-day decision. If she decides to not go, then I will stay home with her. We try not to leave her alone. We’ll see what happens.

TTFN

Joe

Categories: Family, Mary
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Mary and My Excellent Pea Soup

April 9, 2017

Paula is off at some wine tasting with Heather. I begged off. Had dinner with Mary. I did a pea soup from the ham bone left over from last weeks dinner with Mike & family.

I like to have a ham roast mostly for the ham bone that is left over. It makes such an extraordinary pea soup. And it’s so simple. One medium onion chopped, four carrots cut up, package of split peas and quart of beef or chicken broth. Add it all to your crock pot and let it simmer for five or six ours. I added 1/2 tsp of pepper and a couple of bay leaves. It’s even better as left overs on the second or third day.

By the way, that plastic thing in the crock pot is a liner that you can buy at the grocery store. Makes cleanup much easier. Can be found in the plastic bag section of the grocery store.

So Mary and I watched the local and national news. Got her over to the dining room table for dinner. Got her a glass of white zinfandel and we are all set. Poured out her meds and made sure that she took them.

Gave her some watermelon for dessert. She brushed her teeth and to bed.

Tomorrow, we will get her up early and really encourage her to go to church. Choir doing their annual Easter Cantata. Theresa will be singing in the choir. Not going to take no for an answer.

TTFN

Joe

Categories: Cooking, Mary
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Mary

March 27, 2017

Time for an update. Not a lot of change here. Mary continues to eat two meals a day and sleep in bed most of the day. Right now the only thing we seem to get her up and out is her weekly visit to the hair salon.

She usually skips watching the evening news on TV. She says that it is too depressing. Okay, I guess.

We had a local election here in LA a couple of weeks ago. It was a primary for mayor and other local jobs. Mary didn’t vote. In fact she hasn’t voted in any of the elections for the past 2 or 3 years. I think the process is too much for her to understand. I am not even sure she knows who the current president is. We don’t talk politics.

The other day she asks us if we could arrange for her to get some exercise. We tell her we would be glad to take you for a walk, but you have to ask us. You have to want to do it. You have to get your butt out of the bed and do it. It doesn’t happen. This is a recurring theme.

Yesterday, she was reading her Time Magazine. She has a subscription that delivers the magazine every week. For some strange reason, she asked for a pen to underline a couple of sentences about the election for the president of France. She didn’t ask us any questions about the article. She just underlines a couple of sentences. So Paula and I are seriously scratching our heads over this. So later after she went to bed we looked at the magazine. She doesn’t like to watch the news anymore but for some very strange reason she was interested in the French presidential election. Go figure.

So last week, Mary asked about seeing the grand kids. Mike and his family used to come over every Tuesday for dinner. Now with Jonathan in school, that keeps him up too late. So now we do dinner once or twice a month usually on a Friday or Saturday.

We tell her that the best time to see Sarah and Jonathan would be at church on Sunday. Would you like to go to church with us and join us for lunch after? Maybe she says. So Sunday rolls along. I get her up by 8:00 AM and feed her breakfast. After breakfast, she gets dressed and goes to lie down. I remind her about church. I will ask you again when it’s time to go. So at 10 AM, I go into her room and ask her if she wants to go. Nope. Not this time. Sigh.

We have been working on lining up caregivers for her so that Paula and I can go out on a date to see a movie and do dinner at a restaurant. Found a couple of folks, one from lodge and one from church. It was so nice to get out to a movie and quiet dinner without Mary. One of the brothers from lodge came to stay with her. He didn’t charge us. All we had to do is feed him some fried chicken from KFC.

On a final note, we have made our travel plans to visit Boston in May. Snow should be gone by then. One whole week without Mary. Woo Hoo! We are so looking forward to seeing our east coast friends again.

TTFN

Joe

Categories: Aging, Mary
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Taxes

March 16, 2017

I picked up Mary’s tax return today from her accountant. I’m glad that’s done for the year.

Here’s my process. Gather all of the W2’s and 1099’s from her investments and then take them to her accountant. I could probably do it myself on Turbotax but why would I want to endure the pain.

So a day or so after I drop off the paperwork, I get an email from him telling me what I’m missing. A couple of 1099’s were late. Waited for a couple of weeks and then dropped the rest of them. It’s a little bit complicated because she had investments with about a dozen brokerages.

I increased the withholding on her pension last year so that she didn’t have to pay so much with the return. Indeed, she will be getting a refund from both the IRS and California. So all I had to do tonight was get her to sign the forms.

I took a few minutes to try and explain the high points of her return. gross income, deductions, taxes etc. She had that deer in the headlights look. So I tell her trust me, we have this under control. I ask her if she remembers her accountant, Paul. Nope, not a clue.

Well anyways that’s done for another year.

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  Mary

March 13, 2017

Time for an update. On Sunday afternoon Mary and I are sitting at our dining room table. Paula is out walking around the neighborhood. 

So Mary is reading the Sunday newspaper. She sees a full page for the show called “Shen Yun“. Shen Yun is a Chinese music and dance production that tours every year throughout the USA. 

Seeing as our daughter in law is from Taiwan, we tend to be aware of Chinese cultural stuff. So we had taken Mary to see a production about three years ago in downtown LA. It’s a quality production and worth going to see it. But I don’t feel the need to do it again.

So Mary says to me, I’d like to go see this. I then told her that it wasn’t going to happen. I explained to her that we went to see it three years ago with you. Do you remember? Of course not.

I try to explain to her that the production is downtown LA at the Dorothy Chandler pavilion and parking is difficult. Even with her HP placard, there would be a lot of walking and lots of steps.  She doesn’t handle walking long distances well. And it is especially difficult for her at night when the way forward is not any too clear.

So I tell her that prices range from $70-$200 per person. The cheap seats are in the balcony and she certainly wouldn’t be able to navigate to that locale. I told her not going to happen. Not on my watch. As it stands right now, she has to sit and rest while walking to the elevator which is about 20 yards.

At this point she breaks down and starts to sob. I try to tell her that until you can manage the little stuff you can’t do the big stuff. Mary has a habit of canceling at the last minute if she is feeling dizzy (which is most all of the time). So it would be high likelihood that we wouldn’t go and get stuck with cost of three tickets to the show.

One of the really nasty things about dementia is that steals away a lifetime of memories. Much as we try to show her pictures of her. They do little good to remind her of what she once was. Very sad.

I guess the crying and sobbing was her thoughts on her current situation. I.e. Going downhill. We try to push her some to get up out of bed and do things but the call of the bed is very strong. As time goes by, she is doing less and less. This month she will not be going to the Assistance League luncheon. She used to always go and get her hair done before. Now, it doesn’t happen.

In other news, we have found a couple of friends (one from church, one of my Lodge brothers) willing to come stay with Mary while Paula and I go to a movie. Truly a God send. And, flight reservations have been made and paid for our annual trip to Boston in May. We have requested care givers from a local agency for the week that we will be gone. We so look forward to this trip to get back east to see many of our East coast friends. 

TTFN

Joe

Categories: Los Angeles, Mary
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Mary

February 14, 2017

Well, this is getting crazier and crazier. On the second Tuesday of every month, the Assistance League holds it monthly meeting and luncheon. Paula asked Mary if she wanted to go, she said yes. Okay, make it so, number 1.

We made an appointment for Mary to get her hair done at 0830. Mary generally has a tough time for early morning appointments. Last month Mary decided at the last minute that she was too dizzy to go, but that was then, this is now.

So the plan was for Paula to drop her off at 0830, then I would pick her up at 1000 and take her to the Asst League club house. Paula would come out and get her and then I would be free to do whatever.

So Mary gets up by herself at 0730 and we get her breakfast. At 0815, she says she is too dizzy to go and she goes back to bed. Okay, then we cancel the hair appt.

Then Paula jumps into the shower. When she is done at 0900, Mary calls to her. Mary says she feels better and she is ready to go. Of course, she is still in her pajamas. Tick, tock. No, we say, we cancelled your hair appointment. Paula says maybe I can run a brush through your hair. No that won’t do she says. Maybe Joe can take me, she says. No, Joe has already made other plans.

Paula will drop by the hair salon and pay her hair person for the broken appt. I hear that this happens a lot at this salon. They have a lot of senior clients.

So I am off to get the oil changed on the Jeep and then a hair cut. Starbuck’s is next to the barber shop. How convenient.

Needless to say, this won’t happen next month.

TTFN

Joe

Categories: Family, Mary
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Grandkids

February 5, 2017

One of the true joys of our lives are our grandkids. Jonathan (5) and Sarah (2) were over to visit yesterday. We were watching them while Mike and Theresa an afternoon for a nice lunch. The kids are quite used to seeing us. No tears when Mom and Dad left the premises. 

While the parents were gone, Paula had the kids help her make Valentine cookies. The recipe was a basic sugar cookie recipe. So Paula has a few cut outs in shapes of bows and hearts. After cookies were baked, the kids got to put the icing on them. Always fun to watch the artists at work.

So once the cookies were done it was play time. The picture show the collection of toys that the kids have stored at Grandma and Grandpa’s house. One of these days we will have to get rid of some of the toys that they no longer play with.

So Mike and Theresa got back at about 3:30 pm. Time to start working on dinner. We had roast beef, mashed potatoes, gravy and baked carrots. Cookies (of course) and ice cream for dessert. Always fun to have the family for dinner. Mary always loves seeing the kids.

Today (Sunday) we persuaded Mary to go to church. This was the first time in about three months. We promised her that we would do brunch at “The Admiral Risty” in Palos Verdes to celebrate her 93rd birthday. We told her no church, no Admiral Risty. The bait worked.

Super bowl Sunday seemed like a good day to go to the restauarant. Lots of open tables. Not nearly as crazy as Easter or Mother’s Day

The Admiral Risty has a great view and great food. I made the reservation using the “Open Table” app while sitting in the pew at church. I had a seafood omelet. Ate half, the rest will be for tomorrow’s breakfast.

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