Posted tagged ‘Mary’

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Early Fathers’ Day

June 11, 2017

Admiral RistyToday is not Fathers’ Day. That’s actually next Sunday. But we decided to jump the gun and go visit the Admiral Risty in Rancho Palos Verde and celebrate today. We figured that restaurants would be less busy (which it was) than next Sunday. Here’s the pointer to the YELP review.

The Admiral Risty has a view to die for of the Pacific Ocean. It was a bit gloomy today. Our table had an excellent view.

Price is a bit more than our usual diner fare on Sundays but it was worth it. I had eggs benedict on a dungeness crab cake. Very tasty. I was thinking about having a Bloody Mary, but decided to pass.

Mike and Theresa were on board with the plan. Even Mary liked the plan, though I’m not sure how much she understood what we were planning on doing.

We told Mary that if she wanted to go to the Admiral Risty for brunch, she would have to get up and go to church. We also promised visits to the grand kids that she loves to see. So finally, we got Mary loaded in the Jeep and off we went. We even found an HP parking place at church.

So our reservation was at 1 pm, which was a little bit late but worked out okay. Pastor Jacques’ sermon was on the Gospel of John, Chapter 12. The service ran on to Noon (start time was 10:30 am). Once Jacques gets started there’s no stopping once he has a full wind in his sails. But, we still had plenty of time to get to our brunch date.

Jacques can’t afford to run long at the 9 am service. Got to get every one out in time for the arriving 10:30 folks.

We had all of the singing (no dancing). Jacques did a baptism of a ten(ish) year old boy. After the baptism was done the kid started swimming laps in the baptism pool. What a hoot and caught on video, too.

All done and back home. Time for a nap.

TTFN

Joe

 

Categories: Family, Food, Mary, Religion
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Mary

June 8, 2017

Time for an update.  Mary was up bright and early at about 9 am. For her, this is early. She was all dressed and ready to go somewhere, I’m just wasn’t quite sure where. We had no appointments for her today.

Paula was scheduled to work at the Assistance League in San Pedro. She was going to be there from about 10 am to 3ish. I was just going to be hanging out. I had work to do on my computer transcribing scores for my music app. So at about 2:30, I hear the noise of her walker. Her walker has a distinctive noise from the feet. It is kind of like belling a cat.

So I come out to the living room and there she still all dressed with her purse in her hand. Where’s Paula, she asks me? She’s not here she’s at the Asst League. So the door was open and she was just about to go out to try and catch up with Paula.

So we have two problems. She is hearing voices that are telling her to do things. Second, we fear that she is going to start wandering. Now she doesn’t move all that fast, but…

So we have a couple of possible solutions. First, we start using the baby monitor 24/7. I might be in the other room and not hear getting up and heading for the door. Second, replace the lock on the door to one that has a key on the inside as well as the outside. We figure that might slow her down a bit. The baby monitor is audio only. We’ve had it now for a couple of years. She hasn’t a clue that it’s there.

Overall though, she is a little bit slower and a lot weaker and a lot more frail. She doesn’t care to watch the evening news anymore. She will read the newspaper at least twice, once in the morning and again in the evening.We tend to wake her up for breakfast and dinner. Sometimes, she is confused as to whether it is morning or night.

The other night when we got back from OES, she wanted to put her walker into the closet. Paula tells her, no that walker is always. Our fear is that she might try going to the bathroom without the walker and falling. Another fall will likely kill her.

She has told us that she needs to get some exercise. We tell her you need to take the first step and get out of bed. Then we can take you out for a walk around courtyard. But that hasn’t happened.

She still goes with us to OES meetings but steadfastly refuses to go to any church activities. We just don’t understand why. She says that it is the dizziness in the morning, but she’ll go to her hair salon appointment in the morning. We’re going to try to get Pastor Jacques to come visit her sometime soon. At any rate, Paula goes to church on Sunday, I go to Bible study on Wednesday. As always, she is always happy to see the great-grandkids.

TTFN

Joe

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Mary

May 27, 2017

2017-05-26 17.55.40Time for an update. Well Mary survived during our trip to Boston. It sure was nice to get away for a few days. We arrived Monday evening.

We spent Tuesday morning cleaning out the refrigerator. Care givers didn’t use much of the food that we left. Not quite sure why. Then we went out to do our grocery shopping.

Mary complained that the care givers wouldn’t let her have a second glass of wine. Of course, they were following our instructions. One glass of wine.

So her routine is pretty much the same these days. Up at about 0900 to eat her oatmeal and blueberries, then back to bed. We get her up in the evening for dinner. She doesn’t want to watch the news anymore. Too depressing she says.

Our son Mike and his family were over for dinner Friday night. That always perks Mary up. She loves to see the little ones.

Paula took Mary out to get her hair done on Friday. That is about the only thing that we can get her to do willingly. While she is under the dryer, Paula and I do a quick shopping trip.

Nothing planned for Memorial Day weekend. Just chill.

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Funerals

April 23, 2017

Today Paula went to the funeral for the former organist/pianist from Ocean View Baptist Church. We asked Mary if she would like to go. We explained who she was and that Mary probably knew her at one time. But of course, the name didn’t ring a bell. Showed her a picture of her. Nothing.

Here’s the thing. Right now at this time in her life Mary does not like going to funerals. Doesn’t matter who the person was. She doesn’t want to go. She won’t go. Period. End of discussion.

Normally I would have gone with Paula, but I decided to stay with Mary.

So what is it about funerals with Mary? We have tried on many occasions to have a discussion with her on what she would like for her own funeral. We get nothing. We get stonewalled.

We ask cremation or not? Where would you like to be buried? The only guidance we got was that she wants Harold’s ashes buried with her. (Harold died in 2009 and was cremated.) That we can handle. So many questions.

So Paula and I are the ones stuck with the decisions. Paula is an only child. So there’s no sibling to talk to. Somehow, we will come up with a plan. That’s both a blessing and a curse. No one to argue with but at the same no one to share the load.

I found a blog a few years ago that I thought gave me some thoughts and insight. The blog is called “The Inspired Funeral“. Take a look.

Categories: Family, Mary, Obituaries
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Southpaw

April 20, 2017

Today was supposed to be an easy day. I had a dentist appointment at 11:10 for X-Rays and a filling. So my dentist is Dr Tulley. Dr Tulley is left handed. When I first met him I followed his assistant into his treatment room. I told her, Hey this room is set up backwards. I asked her, Is Dr Tulley left-handed? She says, yes he is.

So I meet Dr Tulley. I ask him how did a South Paw get to be a dentist? Well, somehow he did. Dr Tulley went to Tufts Dental School in Massachusetts. So, Dr Tulley is a Red Sox fan. This is getting better. Every visit, we get to talk a little baseball before we get started. Another MA expatriate in San Pedro. He’s teaching his kids to be Red Sox fans. Way to go, Dr T.

So there’s cavity is on one of my bridges near the gum line. This is not good. He was only able to patch it. That means he will have to replace the bridge. He took more X-rays to submit to the insurance company for pre-authorization. Even with insurance, it will still cost me a few $K’s. We’ll start the work after our trip to Boston in May. Time to take out some mega bucks from my IRA.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, Mary was up early and complaining of something in her eye. So Paula makes an appointment with her eye doctor in Long Beach. Schedule is tight. I have dentist appointment and Paula is working at Asst League. Eye doc doesn’t find anything. Paula stops at MacD’s and gets Mary a chocolate shake.  Mary’s happy.

Mary has trouble identifying foods that we are serving her. ” What’s this?”, she says. Pizza I tell her. What are you putting on it? Hot pepper, but you probably don’t want it on your pizza. (Mary is not much for spicy.) Another time we made pork chops. Same question. Oh, and Mary loves watermelon. She loves the stuff. She would rather eat watermelon than say ice cream,

A couple of weeks ago, Mary said that she would sure love to have a “puppy dog” (her words, not mine). We both told her not going to happen. Told her a pet is a 15 year commitment. And who do think would be in charge of walking said “puppy dog” and picking up dog-poop? Anyways, not going to happen. No way, no how, not on my watch.

Mary gets her hair done on Friday. While she is sitting under the hair dryer, Paula and I will do the grocery shopping. I can get an iced coffee at the Starbucks at the grocery store. Venti iced coffee, no sweetener, leave room. They know what I want. They have a cup holder for your beverage on the grocery cart. This is one of the few times that we can get away from her without leaving her alone.

To my friends back east in the land of Dunkin’ Donuts, this is wrong. I tell them that when Dunky’s is on every corner and in many a supermarket, I might consider going back to Dunky’s. But for now, Starbucks it is. Closest Dunky’s is in Santa Monica, a 45 minute drive without traffic.

It’s getting hot here in San Pedro. Forecast in the 80’s all next week. Break out the shorts. Had the AC serviced last week. Just in time.

TTFN

Joe

Categories: Family, Mary
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Easter’s Done

April 16, 2017

We had an excellent dinner last night. Nothing left but a small sliver of apple pie.

So Grandpa (me) was the hero because I insisted that we get vanilla ice cream AND whipped cream. Paula and Mike both don’t care for whipped cream. Jonathan and Sarah however enjoyed having both on their pie.

So after dinner, Paula brings out the apple pie. Jonathan tells us we need a candle. So we get a candle so that can make a wish. So after dessert, we give Mike his birthday gift (a polo shirt). So Jonathan was helping Mike open the package. He pulled out the shirt and then the packing paper. So Jonathan looks once again in the bag and says: “IS THAT ALL?”. The rest of us were rolling on the floor laughing. We also gave him a gift card for Amazon.

We had breakfast here at home instead of going out to eat. Our favorite diner (Pacific Diner) is closed for Easter. Easter and Mother’s Day are two days to avoid restaurants. Too crowded for my taste. Waffles and scrambled eggs. Kids searching for Easter eggs. We didn’t hide them that hard.

So Sarah took a nap and Mary is down for her afternoon nap. Now Jonathan is running on fumes. He needs a nap badly. OD’ing on chocolate. I try to console him, but the only thing that will work this time is a nap.

Mary has trouble remembering what food was served.  What’s this she asks? That’s a waffle. What do I do with it? What do I put on it? Maple syrup we tell her. We did manage to get her to church services at 9 am. Parking is a lot easier when we go to the early service rather than the service at 10:30. But it does mean that we have to be up at 0 dark thirty. Two weeks in a row that we’ve managed to get her to go to church. We didn’t have time to hang around to chat after the service.

Categories: Family, Mary
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Easter

April 15, 2017
Swan Boats

Boston Swan Boats 

Today is April 15. For most people this is tax day. For us, this is our son Mike’s birthday. We will be celebrating with Mike and his family this evening. Mike got to choose the menu for this evening. He requested beef enchiladas, refried beans and home made apple pie.

On Mike’s 21st birthday, he ran the Boston Marathon. (This year the Boston Marathon will be on Monday April 17th.) After we met him at the finish line, we went out to dinner. Mike drank his first “legal” beer. He had to run back to our car to get his driver’s license to prove his age. Restaurant didn’t ask to see it.

 

Paula baked the pie this morning. We are all resting now to get ready for their arrival. My job has been to take out the trash and empty the re-cycle bin.

Tomorrow is Easter and that means we will be doing brunch after church. We used to go out to restaurants after Easter, but that got a little bit too crazy and expensive. So a couple of years ago, we decided that it would be easier all around to do brunch at home. The kids can play and grownups can talk and drink coffee. We’ll be doing waffles and scrambled eggs with ham.

Ducklings

Ducklings at Boston Public Garden

Paula is all ready for Easter bunny activities. Eggs will be hidden in all the right places. We found a couple of old children’s books, including a well worn copy of “Make Way for Ducklings”. My job is to sit and read to Jonathan. Sarah also likes to sit and watch PBS video on my iPad.

Now about Mary, she is doing well. Her memory is shot. She remembers us, but she can’t remember what she did 20 minutes ago let alone yesterday or last week. We try to control the information flow. We gave her a newsletter from our local Shriner’s club to read. She studied it every day for the past three days. Now it’s time for it to disappear.

We managed to get her to go church last Sunday. Palm Sunday is when our church does its Easter Cantata. I don’t know about getting her to go to Easter services. It’s crowded and parking is a big challenge. In the words of Coach Belichick, that will be a game-day decision. If she decides to not go, then I will stay home with her. We try not to leave her alone. We’ll see what happens.

TTFN

Joe

Categories: Family, Mary
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Mary and My Excellent Pea Soup

April 9, 2017

Paula is off at some wine tasting with Heather. I begged off. Had dinner with Mary. I did a pea soup from the ham bone left over from last weeks dinner with Mike & family.

I like to have a ham roast mostly for the ham bone that is left over. It makes such an extraordinary pea soup. And it’s so simple. One medium onion chopped, four carrots cut up, package of split peas and quart of beef or chicken broth. Add it all to your crock pot and let it simmer for five or six ours. I added 1/2 tsp of pepper and a couple of bay leaves. It’s even better as left overs on the second or third day.

By the way, that plastic thing in the crock pot is a liner that you can buy at the grocery store. Makes cleanup much easier. Can be found in the plastic bag section of the grocery store.

So Mary and I watched the local and national news. Got her over to the dining room table for dinner. Got her a glass of white zinfandel and we are all set. Poured out her meds and made sure that she took them.

Gave her some watermelon for dessert. She brushed her teeth and to bed.

Tomorrow, we will get her up early and really encourage her to go to church. Choir doing their annual Easter Cantata. Theresa will be singing in the choir. Not going to take no for an answer.

TTFN

Joe

Categories: Cooking, Mary
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Mary

March 27, 2017

Time for an update. Not a lot of change here. Mary continues to eat two meals a day and sleep in bed most of the day. Right now the only thing we seem to get her up and out is her weekly visit to the hair salon.

She usually skips watching the evening news on TV. She says that it is too depressing. Okay, I guess.

We had a local election here in LA a couple of weeks ago. It was a primary for mayor and other local jobs. Mary didn’t vote. In fact she hasn’t voted in any of the elections for the past 2 or 3 years. I think the process is too much for her to understand. I am not even sure she knows who the current president is. We don’t talk politics.

The other day she asks us if we could arrange for her to get some exercise. We tell her we would be glad to take you for a walk, but you have to ask us. You have to want to do it. You have to get your butt out of the bed and do it. It doesn’t happen. This is a recurring theme.

Yesterday, she was reading her Time Magazine. She has a subscription that delivers the magazine every week. For some strange reason, she asked for a pen to underline a couple of sentences about the election for the president of France. She didn’t ask us any questions about the article. She just underlines a couple of sentences. So Paula and I are seriously scratching our heads over this. So later after she went to bed we looked at the magazine. She doesn’t like to watch the news anymore but for some very strange reason she was interested in the French presidential election. Go figure.

So last week, Mary asked about seeing the grand kids. Mike and his family used to come over every Tuesday for dinner. Now with Jonathan in school, that keeps him up too late. So now we do dinner once or twice a month usually on a Friday or Saturday.

We tell her that the best time to see Sarah and Jonathan would be at church on Sunday. Would you like to go to church with us and join us for lunch after? Maybe she says. So Sunday rolls along. I get her up by 8:00 AM and feed her breakfast. After breakfast, she gets dressed and goes to lie down. I remind her about church. I will ask you again when it’s time to go. So at 10 AM, I go into her room and ask her if she wants to go. Nope. Not this time. Sigh.

We have been working on lining up caregivers for her so that Paula and I can go out on a date to see a movie and do dinner at a restaurant. Found a couple of folks, one from lodge and one from church. It was so nice to get out to a movie and quiet dinner without Mary. One of the brothers from lodge came to stay with her. He didn’t charge us. All we had to do is feed him some fried chicken from KFC.

On a final note, we have made our travel plans to visit Boston in May. Snow should be gone by then. One whole week without Mary. Woo Hoo! We are so looking forward to seeing our east coast friends again.

TTFN

Joe

Categories: Aging, Mary
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  Mary

March 13, 2017

Time for an update. On Sunday afternoon Mary and I are sitting at our dining room table. Paula is out walking around the neighborhood. 

So Mary is reading the Sunday newspaper. She sees a full page for the show called “Shen Yun“. Shen Yun is a Chinese music and dance production that tours every year throughout the USA. 

Seeing as our daughter in law is from Taiwan, we tend to be aware of Chinese cultural stuff. So we had taken Mary to see a production about three years ago in downtown LA. It’s a quality production and worth going to see it. But I don’t feel the need to do it again.

So Mary says to me, I’d like to go see this. I then told her that it wasn’t going to happen. I explained to her that we went to see it three years ago with you. Do you remember? Of course not.

I try to explain to her that the production is downtown LA at the Dorothy Chandler pavilion and parking is difficult. Even with her HP placard, there would be a lot of walking and lots of steps.  She doesn’t handle walking long distances well. And it is especially difficult for her at night when the way forward is not any too clear.

So I tell her that prices range from $70-$200 per person. The cheap seats are in the balcony and she certainly wouldn’t be able to navigate to that locale. I told her not going to happen. Not on my watch. As it stands right now, she has to sit and rest while walking to the elevator which is about 20 yards.

At this point she breaks down and starts to sob. I try to tell her that until you can manage the little stuff you can’t do the big stuff. Mary has a habit of canceling at the last minute if she is feeling dizzy (which is most all of the time). So it would be high likelihood that we wouldn’t go and get stuck with cost of three tickets to the show.

One of the really nasty things about dementia is that steals away a lifetime of memories. Much as we try to show her pictures of her. They do little good to remind her of what she once was. Very sad.

I guess the crying and sobbing was her thoughts on her current situation. I.e. Going downhill. We try to push her some to get up out of bed and do things but the call of the bed is very strong. As time goes by, she is doing less and less. This month she will not be going to the Assistance League luncheon. She used to always go and get her hair done before. Now, it doesn’t happen.

In other news, we have found a couple of friends (one from church, one of my Lodge brothers) willing to come stay with Mary while Paula and I go to a movie. Truly a God send. And, flight reservations have been made and paid for our annual trip to Boston in May. We have requested care givers from a local agency for the week that we will be gone. We so look forward to this trip to get back east to see many of our East coast friends. 

TTFN

Joe

Categories: Los Angeles, Mary
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