Zucchini

no zucchiniTime to tell a story. Today we were at the supermarket. This particular market starts you off at the produce section (after you’ve stopped at the Starbuck’s). These days there are lots of fruits and vegetables to choose from. But there is one vegetable that I will absolutely not eat. Zucchini.

Paula knows that I do not like zucchini. To paraphrase the imitable Dr Seuss, I will not eat zucchini at home, I will not eat it at a restaurant. I will not eat it at lodge. I will not eat zucchini boiled, fried, sauteed, etc.

There are other green vegetables that have been famously disliked. George HW Bush was famous for his dislike of Broccoli. He once famously said:

I do not like broccoli. And I haven’t liked it since I was a little kid and my mother made me eat it. And I’m President of the United States and I’m not going to eat any more broccoli.

That didn’t make the Broccoli Growers’ Association very happy. But I digress, back to the subject at hand, zucchini.

This is my story on how I came to dislike zucchini. Back in the day, before I had met Paula, love of my life. mother of my children (we’re talking early 1970’s here folks) I came to be living with a women who shall remain nameless. So this young woman had a fondness for having a home garden.

I am an engineer by trade and never particularly cared much for bothering with growing things. So one fine summer, My POSSLQ (an acronym coined by the US Census bureau to mean “Person Of Opposite Sex Sharing Living Quarters”) started a home garden. One of her crops was zucchini.

And while we are talking about POSSLQ’s, here is a poem by Charles Osgood:

Come live with me and be my love,
And we will some new pleasures prove
Of golden sands and crystal brooks
With silken lines, and silver hooks.
There’s nothing that I wouldn’t do
If you would be my POSSLQ.

You live with me, and I with you,
And you will be my POSSLQ.
I’ll be your friend and so much more;
That’s what a POSSLQ is for.

And everything we will confess;
Yes, even to the IRS.
Some day on what we both may earn,
Perhaps we’ll file a joint return.
You’ll share my pad, my taxes, joint;
You’ll share my life – up to a point!
And that you’ll be so glad to do,
Because you’ll be my POSSLQ.

We had a prolific crop of zucchini. By August, we had way too much zucchini. We couldn’t give the stuff away. If you don’t harvest zucchini in time, it will continue to grow and grow and grow. It will soon grow to be the size of a watermelon. There are only so many ways that one can cook zucchini, but it is still zucchini. Overripe zucchini gets very big and very tough. Think consistency of a two by four.

So as our relationship began to sour as it did that summer, I began to link my dislike for overripe zucchini with my former POSSLQ. So for me there will be no Zucchini, EVER.

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